By Edie Worrell
LOOSE HALL- After almost an entire year’s worth of expensive renovations, Loose Hall has finally opened its doors to students and new residents of the building, and the B&S can confidently say: It’s still fucking ugly. Last month, I went, as a top B&S investigative reporter, to check out the grand reopening and get the inside scoop on what life has been like for some of its newest inhabitants.
By Catherine Terelak
Dear Attention-Seeking Professor,
Welcome to late middle age! While we haven’t met, you once snapped your fingers at me while I was cashiering at Ace Hardware, which told me all I needed to know about the kind of person you are. (True story.) Additionally, I feel as though we’ve been introduced through Karen memes and American Psycho. Do you know how to read? Oh — In English and French? What a miracle! Studies show that your generation was exposed to lead as children, leading to psychosis, ADHD, and antisocial behavior. According to me (FYI, the NYT is for crosswords now), your cohort is cynical, emotionally repressed, and desperate for the comfort of a strawberry daiquiri and the stability of an early retirement. You are a “generation of swine” (Hunter S. Thompson’s words) because you came of age when it was cool to embrace the onslaught of anti-intellectualism and consumer excess for which you blame poor, sweet, earnest Gen Z.
By Conrad Dahm
OFF CAMPUS- We’re back to school, and everyone is fucking miserable already. The B&S is back to report on this misery, and there is a lot of it. One way that students alleviate it is by going to off-campus parties and getting drunk. (When you say this out loud, it really makes you think, right?) With off-campus housing potentially being taken away, the B&S decided to do an investigation into various off-campus houses. Let’s interview the (un)lucky students who get to live off-campus!
By Sarah Reif
DAG HOUSE- On 9:22 AM, March 28, 2025, the Grinnell College Residence Life (ResLife) Department announced that Art House had been replaced by Duels and Games (DAG) House. A coup d’état (via email). The outlook notification heard round the world.
Six months have passed since that day. Still, the conflict pushes on. The B&S had to get to the bottom of why it all happened. We needed material after the administration ordered us to destroy our last issue, “Punching Down”. DAG leader General Blight E. Pfizercoward ‘27 permitted B&S correspondents entry to the house for a brief interview. Reporters were equipped with protective vests as they approached the front lines. Wind chill is no joke.
By Catherine Terelak
HSSC- Grinnell College is ranked “the fucking worst” of 254 United States colleges and universities, according to a September report by the World Association for Assholes, Tools, Eggheads, and Racists (WATER), a non-profit advocating for the rights of Persons Who Fucking Suck (PWFS).
The report reveals that Grinnell respondents felt significantly more entitled to express their unpopular opinions poorly—and without social consequences—than students at all other schools surveyed.
By Bohdin Bright
ADMISSIONS BUILDING- While Grinnell College’s status as officially recognized as the best Liberal Arts college in the United States is a source of pride for many on campus, that kind of reputation takes work to maintain. Out of the tens of thousands of applicants, only a few hundred can be accepted each year. If you want to make it in, you’ll need to stand out.
By Conrad Dahm
JRC- On April 4th, 2024, the Union of Grinnell Student Dining Workers (UGSDW) voted to ratify the first wall-to-wall undergraduate labor union contract in US history. The B&S, being the first publication on campus to report on this story, has an exclusive look into the new Union contract and its provisions. At first, the B&S tried to interview Union leaders but our requests were ignored. So, we decided to find an exclusive copy of the contract. Here is a look into the new UGSDW Contract:
Editor’s Note: This contract was obtained from the College’s office. We can’t tell if this is what actually was passed or what the College’s ideal contract was. Regardless, we wanted to publish it.
By Amelia Vrieze
PUBS OFFICE-During speculation that SPARC print publications were on the chopping block for next year’s budget, many students at Grinnell expressed that they wanted more transparency about the administration’s budgeting process. After a few weeks of intensive investigative journalism, and minimal breaking-and-entering, our hard-working B&S reporters may have found the answer.
Searching through meeting minutes and budget reports, one name popped up again and again. The one secret influence behind it all: . Maryanne Condominium.
By Liv Hage
MEARS COTTAGE- In a desperate move to scrounge up cash to fund student publications, Grinnell has started firing professors and replacing them with Grinnell students. The so-called ‘restructuring initiative’ was enacted on Thursday by Billiber Blubberbun, spokesperson for Financial Operations at Grinnell. “I strongly believe that this will benefit everyone in the community” Blubberbun claims. “Those righteous brats *cough* I mean students will now be able to teach whatever they want”. When asked if students would be receiving a salary similar to a professor’s, Blubberbun claimed that they would instead be paid in “dining dollars” and “Grinnell swag”.
By Josh Payong
BUCKSBAUM ARTS CENTER – Skin on skin. Muscle against muscle. The blood of one student mixes with the sweat of another (and also their saliva, freaky!) as they engage in brutal, high-stakes combat. The winner’s prize? A spot in Professor Therius’ most lucrative class – ART-369: Advanced Furry Media Studies.
In response to the ever-growing waitlists for essential courses, Grinnell College students have resorted to violence to ensure their registration in a class they need for their major or personal character development. This violence is of a nature so unrelentingly savage that even Vivek Ramaswamy has expressed great reluctance in his return to the small Iowa town for his Supreme Leader of the Bottom Society election campaign out of concern for his safety.
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