By Elke Calhoun
Campus opp getting your goat? Ex-situationship who won’t make eye contact with you in D-hall? We’ve got you covered—literally.
Introducing The Vultures of Vengeance, Grinnell’s premier avian mercenary bomb squad, available for hire to solve your most pressing problems with precision, splatter, and a little bit of humiliation. For $50 a shit, or for one Global Cafe dirty chai, the power of turkey vulture defecation is all yours!
By Edie Worrell
HARRIS CENTER—Friday night, Campus Democrats put on a spectacular event in support of the Democratic candidates for this year’s presidential election, Kamala Harris and Tim Walz. From a mechanical donkey to life-sized cardboard cutouts of the nominees, the Harris Center—draped in scarlet, black, and blue festoons—displayed an opulent selection of Democratic decor. The night brimmed with dance, song, games, and laughter, but the biggest surprise came when Grinnell College’s president, Anne F. Harris, stopped by for a taste of the event.
By Catherine Terelak
Q: Beside the connection to your great-grandfather, what attracted you to Grinnell?
A: Oviously [sic] football, and I can get as much ice cream as I want in D-Hall. My mom doesn’t like me to have too much sugar because of my ADHD, but I’m literally an indult [sic] man.
Q: How’s tutorial going?
A: Freaking skibidi. I forgot how to read for the first few weeks of college, and then when I remembered, I was like, “What the sigma? This whole class is about tampons or something.” I guess my mom signed me up for it. She gets my emails on her computer because I forgot to set it up.
By Catherine Terelak
FORUM—In the leadup to 10/10, SHAW launched a new unwellness program aimed at introducing Grinnell’s large population of Christian homeschoolers to college drinking culture. Grinnella GoForth, Student Head of Grinnell’s first Substance Abuse Habituation Program, is passionate about increasing access to alcohol, raising consciousness about the joys of binge drinking, and building bridges between the sober and alcoholic communities at Grinnell. Christian homeschoolers, she says, are an especially underserved population.
“They don’t know their White Claws from their BuzzBallz,” she said. “My job is to get them to shed their lanyards, tennis shoes, and long jean skirts and let loose. If I can make them understand that there is no preacher from Footloose lurking around the corner, I will have made a difference.”
By Josh Emrys Payong
READ HALL – On Thursday, September 12th, 2024 A.D., an emergency meeting was held in the Read 1st lounge to discuss the downfall of Main Hall’s rebellious, unaccomplished little sibling. Within the first month of the fall semester, a total of two hundred and seventy one and a quarter complaints were filed against the immature and inconsiderate behavior of a select few residents of Read, with expressed grievances ranging from unwashed dishes to unflushed toilets, from unwiped asses to unorganized shrines of used Rose Toys dedicated to Anne Harris. These complaints have been made public on YikYak.
By Dale Bell
GRINNELL, IA—In a move that has been lauded by the Grinnell Administration as “a brilliant approach to today’s security problems,” Grinnell Administration has announced the expansion of Duo Mobile, the college’s multi-factor identification app, into every aspect of student existence. The rollout, which will take place over the coming months, vastly expands usage of the app on Grinnell’s campus.
By Carter Ottele
BUCKSBAUM—When Jimothy Leary ’28 decided to enroll in Grinnell this April, artistic opportunity was at the top of his mind. After all, he had already volunteered at his local art museum for the past two summers, won a Silver Key from the Scholastic Arts Foundation, and earned a 4 on the AP Studio Art exam; apart from the Royal College of Art in London, what institution could cultivate his artistic talent like Grinnell could?
During New Student Orientation (NSO) in August, Leary quickly decided that he was “too cool” to attend scheduled events. Instead, he chose to embark on a self-guided tour of the school, relying on a trail of gluten-free breadcrumbs to navigate the vast, sprawling campus. Wandering aimlessly through the Peace Grove, he happened upon the very building that had first drawn him to Grinnell College: the Bucksbaum Center for the Arts.
By Conrad Dahm
HIGH ST—On October 5th, 2024, Grinnell students prepared for their annual 10/10 celebration. Students often look forward to 10/10 as a temporary way to forget about problem sets, mentor sessions, or the worthiness of their Bachelor of Arts degree. However, 10/10 celebrations faltered this year as the College’s administration made drastic changes to the venerated holiday.
B&S reporters went undercover in the days leading up to 10/10, snooping around local liquor shops (definitely not to purchase vapes underage) to make a shocking discovery: Grinnell’s administration had purchased all of the liquor in a 100-mile radius of Grinnell. Our reporters saw Dean of Students Steve Oldhotel carrying hundreds of 30 packs of Old Milwaukee, Natural Light, and Hawkeye Vodka.
By Henry Coen
HIGH ST—For years, scientists warned us of the dangers posed by climate change, including rising sea levels, unpredictable weather, and shifts in animal migration patterns. But let’s be real: who really gave a shit about that ’til it affected 10/10?
“I just never thought it would happen to me,” Halk Tuna, super senior, said tearfully as she took a midnight shot with blue, shaking, frostbitten hands during this year’s mid-December 10/10.
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