Grinnell's Bastion of Journalistic Integrity

Month: December 2022

Student Speaks Out: Yes, I Do Need An Entire HSSC Room To Myself to Study for Finals

By Anna Lipari

HSSC– Most Grinnell students are familiar with the feeling of hopeless rage induced when their study group is forced to work at an atrium table- or worse, a room in Noyce- because all the HSSC rooms are taken up by individual students working alone. There are hundreds of desks for individual quiet study in Burling, we grouse; what gives you the right to take that valuable co-working space? The B&S recently interviewed Digby W. Saltine III, a third year economics major and self-identified room-hogger, to investigate what drives this sort of behavior.

“I really don’t think I’m better than anyone else,” Saltine drawls, his feet propped up on the teacher’s desk of one of the third-floor North auditoriums. “I’m just not afraid to take life by the reins.” He takes a sip from one of the army of global cafe cups spread out across the room. One of the B&S interview team, having just come from a biology group project session that took place in the freezer room at the Spencer Grill, begins to drool with jealousy. “I wake up early, and the first thing I do before I head to the gym is set my backpack down in an empty room, and it’s there waiting for me when I get back to study later in the day.” 

Roping Off Of Sections Disrupts Fragile DHall Ecosystem

By Isabella Nesbeth

GRINNELL DINING HALL—Last Saturday, students were absolutely flabbergasted when they walked in the Dining Hall and noticed that a good portion of seating was roped off. In an attempt to minimize the amount of cleaning that would have to be done, Grinnell Administration has forced all students to sit in the main dining hall. Considering that only a fraction of students stayed on campus for Thanksgiving break, this should not have been a problem. But Dining Services crucially overestimated the extent to which Grinnell students can function socially.

A History Of The Very Real And True Rivalry Between The B&S And S&B

By Conrad Dahm 

Grinnell College, a liberal arts college in the middle of nowhere, is home to one of the country’s most reliable and accurate newspapers: the B&S. This newspaper is a bastion of integrity that only reports on the most pressing stories of our day. It is also home to one of the worst and downright evil satire newspapers: the S&B (Scarlet and Black). Yet most Grinnell students do not know about the absolutely 100% true rivalry that exists between these two publications. In the pursuit of truth the B&S has decided to write an in-depth analysis of this rivalry to help educate the world on this very real and true rivalry. 

Dear B&S: I Am The Couch Thief

By: David Gales

Dear Binston Swongo, 

I’m the person who stole the couch from the Gates lounge. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure I would be able to do it, and it was on a dare from my girlfriend back home, and I was drunk, and I’ve never stolen anything before, and I feel really bad about it, and it’s taking up a lot of room in my dorm, and everyone is so mad at whoever stole the couch and there are all these YikYaks being posted about it and I have nightmares about the couch and wake up in a cold sweat and I don’t know what to do. Help! 

Signed, 

Concerned 

An Interview With The D-Hall Lettuce Slug

By: Javy Rommel-Ruiz

DINING HALL, SALAD BAR—

Javier Rommel-Ruiz: Thank you for coming, Mr. Lettuce Slug. Your work as the arbiter of lettuce quality has improved many a salad.

Emit: Call me Emit. Do people call you Student or Student Worker? D-Hall Lettuce Slug is just my job title. I am more than just a role.

JRR: Clearly. I meant no offense, “Mr. Lettuce Slug” is all that was on your name tag…

E: And you just assumed it was my name!? How barbaric!

JRR: …sorry

Anne Harris Guest Column: No One Leaves Until We Get The Fucking Nutcracker Back

By Anne Harris (Edited by Dale Bell)

The B&S has edited the following letter for length, to remove gratuitous profanity, and to sanitize extreme descriptions of violence.

You thieving shits. I was doing my annual survey of the Christmas decorations and it looks like one of the nutcrackers is missing. Hardy fucking har har. Now, I scrolled far enough up on YikYak (you’re a bunch of horny little freaks, by the way) to see that last year, one of you stole it. Well call your families and tell them you’re sorry because WINTER BREAK IS CANCELED—NO ONE LEAVES UNTIL I GET THE FUCKING NUTCRACKER BACK. Flights will NOT be refunded by the College and anyone who tries to leave the campus by car or on foot WILL be captured by an old man in a golf cart and lowered into a vat of DHall’s Red Hot Beef Stew. But “Oooooo, that’s not allowed” you’ll say, “we’re students and we have rights BLAH BLAH BLAH.” BULLSHIT. That’s what Ben Newhouse said before I FIRED him. 

Magical Elves That Write Students’ Essays While They Sleep Can’t Write SOC Papers For Shit

By Dale Bell

GRINNELL, IA—Late last week, sources confirmed that the silly little magic elves that write essays (and sometimes mend shoes) while students lie snugly in their beds, cannot write Sociology papers for shit. The elves—who are widely known across Grinnell college as the mischievous little men who live in the Mac Field Oak—have a history of helping the most stressed students by writing their overdue essays and leaving them, tied up with a pretty little bow and smelling of cinnamon, on the students’ doorsteps.

That is, until three days ago, when third-year SOC major Mike Marner woke to find his course readings neatly stacked outside his room next to a paper, with “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT” printed in whimsical little letters across the header. Marner agreed to speak about his experience to B&S reporters after we threatened to turn him in for D-Hall fruit theft:

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