Aries: Took odd jobs including (but not limited to): Clown at a pet resort, Leech Collector, Groom of the Stool for an unnamed billionaire, and Referee for the National Quidditch Tournament. We respect the grind.
Taurus: 3-month bender. Surprised you made it back.
Gemini: Fell in love with another counselor at a summer camp. You’ll never see them again.
By Josh Emrys Payong
The nation finds itself in the midst of waves upon waves of budget cuts to essential research funding. Nowhere have these cuts hit harder than Grinnell College’s MAP program, wherein projects across all departments have had to leave students just as unemployed as they would have been if they didn’t kiss their professor’s ass while taking up all of the class’ discussion time. Now they have to learn to chud out by spending a full work week unlocking the new Druid Paragon on BTD6 like the rest of us.
By Maya Comer
The Department of Theater, Dance, and Performance Studies (TDPS) has announced the mainstage productions for the upcoming school year. “We have a great lineup set up,” says Bennifer Quaked, who is directing two of the three shows. “We’ll be first holding a staged reading of Through the Bulletin Board, the famous anti-musical.” A poll of Grinnell’s theater nerds (n = 2) revealed that none of them had heard of the supposedly famous show, nor were they sure what an ‘anti-musical’ even was. When a B&S reporter relayed this information to Prof. Quaked, she rolled her eyes. “It was the biggest hit at the 2008 Port Moresby Inter-Transnational Performance Art Showcase. Absolutely redefined the anti-musical genre. Looks like somebody wasn’t paying attention in my Intro to Performance Studies class.”
By Bodhi West
In the advent of a new academic year rising over the horizon with the 7AM sun, Sniffy Speedball 29’ wanted to reinvent himself, reach out and make friends after a first year slump doing white rock, black rock, and hard rock – and I don’t mean the cafe.
“Sniff ‘29 was breaking residential street speed limits, backwards triple long jumping into his car’s jank ass collision,” recounts Grit Toot ‘29, “He even clipped into the north campus tunnels by accident and just went right out, didn’t grab the ice sculpture down there or nothin’. No one wanted to talk to him after that.”
But all of that is in the chemical past now. Sniffy ‘29 ain’t gonna be a flake no more! He’s on the prowl and ready to make some friends!
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