Grinnell's Bastion of Journalistic Integrity

Month: October 2023 Page 1 of 2

Budget Blues

By Ethan Hughes

Despite recent assurances concerns still remain about student organizations budgets. Many organizations don’t understand how it is possible for around 105 student organizations to request over $300,000. That would be around $3000 per student organization. That number may even be higher if SGA were able to convey numbers in an understandable way.

Sports Teams and Clubs Swap Budgets

By Henry Coen

THE BEAR—Chess Club captain Beth Harmon 24′ hurls a Molotov cocktail with surprising athletic prowess through the window of the Darby Gym. Within minutes, tongues of flame lick at the sky as the Bear catches alight.

The school is on fire in more ways than one. All this over the recent report published by the Grinnell Department of Athletics detailing the sports teams’ spending. 

Dining Dollars Become World’s New Reserve Currency, Usurping US Dollar

By Ethan Hughes

After a successful pilot program with local Grinnell businesses, Dining Dollars have become the world’s new reserve currency.

For context, the US dollar had been the world’s reserve currency since the end of World War 2, as the Allied Powers paid for vast amounts of rations, supplies, and that fine American tradition of firearms to fuel their war machine. At this point, most foreign trades were made using gold or other valuable commodities, resulting in the US stockpiling much of the world’s gold. Most paper currency was held to the gold standard, such that you could walk into a bank and exchange that currency for its value in gold that was a constant amount.

Book Review—Laying Out for Love: The Ultimate Romance

By Josh Payong

Innovative as ever, illustrious wordsmith and Grinnell alumnus Bob B. Largebacon (B.B.L.) entices his audience with an exciting new premise: Strip Frisbee.

The rules are simple: drop the disc, drop your clothes. As degenerate as it may sound, B.B.L. manages to weave a complex tapestry of passion, betrayal, and most importantly, team spirit in his most recent 879-page bestseller. And sex, albeit to a relatively conservative extent compared to his other works (for reference, see “Fucking 10/10s During 10/10: A Sensually Short Story,” “She Vivek on my Rama till I Swamy,” or my personal favorite of his, “How The Grinnch Stole Grinnsmas”). 

Opinion: These Fines Aren’t Fine

By Carter Ottele

Dear Grinnell,

It’s time to get your shit together.

Look, in most ways, we’re doing fine. There are lots of little problems that don’t matter too much: our football team got outscored 6-116 over a two game stretch; NetNutrition lied to me; my econ prof failed half the class; artificial intelligence, global warming, and democratic decline are all threatening to render our degrees useless. But, whatever. I don’t care that much.

You know what really, really bothers me though? What totally ruins my day, or sometimes my week? Residence hall fines

The Grinsmell Resurfaces

By Elke Calhoun

As seasons change, leaves turn, and harvest is brought in from the fields, all Grinnellians sense the smell of autumn in the air. Unfortunately, the smell of autumn is characterized by certain notes of turd, sulfur, and a thousand rotting pig corpses. Dubbed the “Grinsmell” by the wittier of our student body, this heinous aroma appears to be biannual, cropping up regularly during the transition to fall and transition to spring. The “logical” explanation Big Pharma has fed us is that this aroma is manure from neighboring farms, but as the B&S cries, “No more pseudoscience!” We have taken it upon ourselves to investigate this deadly phenomenon and are determined to uncover the root of this Icky Stinky-Stinky.

First, we met with Professor Manu Re of the chemistry department to aid us in parsing through the validity of this scientific propaganda.

“This smell is a scientific wonder,” he informed us, “No single oxygen molecule should be able to bear a weight so foul. It’s physically and chemically impossible!”

Grinnell College Announces New Substance-Mandatory Residence Halls

By Bohdin Bright

NORTH CAMPUS – For many years, Grinnell College has marked several residence halls as substance-free in order to provide students with the support to commit to a sober lifestyle. Historically, this measure has been met with disdain among the student body, since recreational drug use is considered one of the most normal and healthy ways to deal with stressful exams, grad school applications, hangnails, and other forms of psychological pressure. Yet, the real nail in the coffin was the wide array of accusations of favoritism towards privileged students who, unlike normal people, had never once been caught smoking in the high school bathrooms.

RNC Hosts Conference on High Street

By Conrad Dahm

HIGH STREET—In a strange turn of events, the Republican National Committee (RNC) has decided to host the Republican National Conference (also RNC) in Grinnell, Iowa. In fact, the RNC announced that the event will be held specifically on High Street. The announcement comes after several high-profile candidate visits to Grinnell, such as Vivek Ramaswamy at Saints Rest, Ron DeSantis at Pizza Ranch, and Dick Cheney at the Old Glove Factory.

Grinnell’s Newest Affinity House: The Gronvent

By Catherine Terelak

In recent days, the Internet has exploded with “convent vibes” and “nuncore.” Fans of Sister Act (1992) and The Sound of Music (1965) have always known how fun it is to be a nun, but the rest of the world is only just receiving the revelation. Silly white hats, cool black outfits, harmonies, melodies, and all kinds of sisterly shenanigans are cloistered in a new corner of TikTok that users are calling NunTok. 

The tenets of NunTok are generally innocent enough—practicing discalcing, praying seven times a day, abstaining from the meat of four-legged animals—but there have been concerning reports of the Monastic Challenge, during which the young postulants of NunTok take a vow of silence and shun worldly society. In most cases, the Monastic Challenge ends fairly quickly. But increasingly often, the trend manifests in prolonged isolation and severe self-flagellatory behavior. 

Grinnell History: The Birth of the Bundt

By Liv Hage

Dear B&S readers, 

This week, I invite you to join me in investigating Grinnell’s rich history. We’ll be diving into a special topic to celebrate the unique stories that are part of our institution’s identity. This week, we’re talking about food! 

While DHall has its many quirks, the history of one particular baked good stands out in comparison to other banal confections. I’m talking about the rum bundt cake. Yes, I mean the bundt cake. The preferred cake of aspiring alcoholics, masochistic students hoping to fill the void, and the rare few who actually enjoy the overabundance of rum in their baked goods. No single cake has evoked such fear and confusion in the hearts of Grinnell students as this notorious bundt. In the shape of an innocent, circular loaf, the appearance of the cake may fool you, but don’t be deceived—each slice has an average ABV of 80.4%. 

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