Month: November 2025 Page 1 of 2

By Nell Badgley

After years of arduous construction, millions and millions of dollars, Renfrow Hall has already found its footing as a beacon of college-community connection. After much promise that the state-of-the-art Civic Innovation Pavilion would deliver on demolishing any remaining divisions between campus and community life once and for all, recent events have proved its significance. Last week, a record-breaking 3 community members were spotted in the Renfrow facilities.

Breaking News: Scarlett the Squirrel Fucking Dies

By Edie Worrell

NOLLEN HOUSE— In a shocking and devastating turn of events, Grinnell’s unofficial official mascot, Scarlett the Squirrel has fucking dies. This sudden loss has devastated the local community, who knew Scarlett as a god-fearing, Anne Harris-loving squirrel.

HSSC AI Sexbots Revealed to be Ancient Spirits

By Bella Takata

HSSC- “I couldn’t believe it,” said Joey Hornbag ‘28, “Me and Candy LaCreme were just about to get engaged.”

Joey is one of dozens of Grinnellians left devastated after their HSSC Study Rooms were revealed to be inhabited by ancient spirits and not sexy AI.

“We met one dark and moody night,” explained Mickey G, “She spoke to me as I was packing my bag. THIS ROOM WILL SHUT DOWN IN 60 SECONDS, that’s what she said to me. After that, I was a goner.”

Anne Harris Should be Far More Distant and Mysterious

In editorials

By Sarah Reif for the B&S Editorial Board

As President of Grinnell, Anne Harris has involved herself greatly in College affairs. She has been a judge at Tithead, Halloween Harris’s special guest, patron of the arts, etc., etc., etc., and so forth. I also ran into her at Walmart yesterday.

As a result, she has absolutely squandered the mystique that accompanies being the president of a small liberal-arts college. She is too much the people’s president. However, we on The B&S Editorial Board have strategized specialized techniques to mitigate and even reverse the “normalization” of Anne Harris.

SGA Solves Government Shutdown

By James Applegate

SGA SUITE, JOE ROSENFIELD ‘25 CENTER – As the longest government shutdown in American history stretches on, Grinnell’s very own Student Government Association has decided to take matters into its own hands regarding one of the most publicized consequences of the shutdown: the painful asphyxiation of SNAP and similar federal assistance programs. But America needs never again be food insecure, for today, after many long, twice-a-month, one-hour meetings of arduous brainstorming, expansive and compassionate sociological investigation, rigorous tabling somewhere in D-Hall (we think), and a “very insightful” all-campus Google Form, SGA announced a new initiative to address essential needs across the Grinnell student body: Sweeping Nutrition Assistance Grinnell, or SNAG.

Dear Binston Swongo: Halloweekend Hookup

In Binston Swongo

By Josh Emrys Payong

Dear Binston Swongo,

Every night since Halloweekend, I’ve found myself lost in the woods past the golf course, stroking each pine and spruce as if they were his own trunk. You see, Binston…I thought I hooked up with the real Lorax that Friday night. He whisked me away from the Harris by the arm with his soft cheeto-colored hand, his other firmly grasping his bushy tushy like he does when he flies. It was cold out, but it mattered not, for his voluminous moustache enveloped me like a womb does to a baby. He ripped open my fursuit from behind (you see, I’d gone as the Cat in the Hat, but with humongous naturals) and most definitely Let it Grow. But just as I was about to finish, I accidentally ripped some bark off the tree I’d been leaning on. All he did was stop, shake his head, re-twisted his cock (did you know that the Lorax has a corkscrew dick, like ducks? wild), then flew off into the night sky. What do I do with myself, Binston? How do I fill this stout, oval-shaped hole in my gaping ass?

Sincerely,

Cat in the Hat with Humongous Naturals

New Safe Space for Straights Created

By Sophia Levitas-Goren

It’s everywhere. Around every corner, a flier for a drag show riddled with images of dildos and leather. In every office, one to a dozen pride flags. Even inside your dorm room, you aren’t safe; your girlfriends are bisexual. For too long, straight men have been suffering “in silence,” claims E. Jack Ulate ‘28. “I play baseball here and the entire team agrees that, like, this school is, like, super gay, like, no offense, but it’s, like, too gay.”

Wondering Broomba in the HSSC

By Sophia Levitas-Goren

HSSC- In ancient Greek society, it was believed by great thinkers, such as Plato, that a woman’s womb wandered around her body, sat on her organs, and made her ill or crazy. This fascinating femininomenon was labeled “the wandering womb” and inspired the term “hysteria,” seeing as “hys” means womb in Ancient Greek. So, you can’t gaslight your girlfriend. It’s ingrained into our womanly, hysterical blood to be coocoo banana.

Sam Cox Beats Zohran Mamdani and Binston Swongo in Grinnell Mayoral Election