Grinnell's Bastion of Journalistic Integrity

Month: March 2022

12th Century Monks To Replace Faulty Printers

By Dale Bell

NOLLAN HOUSE—In a press conference held late last week, college officials announced that, to replace the faulty printing systems across campus, they would be hiring an order of 12th century monks to hand copy all students’ assignments. The monks, who come from the order of St. Cuthbert of Iona and are renowned for their skills at copying and illuminating manuscripts, have already set up several Scriptoria in former printing rooms and are currently accepting print jobs.

The Cuthbertines, whose order requires initiates to seek enlightenment through suffering, will still be able to fulfill this requirement at Grinnell by sleeping four to a room in Norris, auditing physics classes, and eating Hot Beef Tips at DHall. 

One Student Still Using Bump™

By Clare Newman

BURLING LIBRARY— With the messianic return of YikYak to the app store and consequently to the Grinnell College campus for the first time since 2017, it’s easy to forget location-based-social-media-apps’ humble beginnings here in the 50112. Though its short life was cut even shorter by the evacuation of students from campus because of SARS-COV2,  third and fourth years may remember the advent of Grinnell-based social media app Bump™. One student, Archibald Kingfisher, sought out the journalistic genius of the B&S to tell his story. Kingfisher, class of 2022, is an Economics major with a European Studies concentration, and currently the only person still using Bump™. I met him on the left jungle gym in Burling Library, where he insisted we meet. He’s proudly sporting a “Keep Calm and HSSC Corn” t-shirt, the school issued KN95 mask, Laurel Leaf printed boxers, and nothing else. Speaking calmly and staring unblinkingly, he described BumpTM to me in detail. I was playing sudoku on my laptop and not paying attention because it was boring, so do not expect any information about how the app Bump™ worked.

“Third Time’s The Charm:” Student Vows to Engage in Sexual Activity next Working Differently Day

By Carter Otelle 

HSSC– Sarah Filignepecci, class of ‘24, remembers the first time she heard about Working Differently days.

“I was walking to Saints Rest,” she recalls, “when my friend opened their phone and read out an email Anne Harris sent. And there it was: the announcement that next semester, we’d have three days with no scheduled activities.” Felignepecci has had a steady presence throughout her interview, but at this point, she falters. “I thought they were useless, honestly. Like, couldn’t you just, you know, assign less work? It just felt like an excuse for admin to say they’d done something for student mental health without putting in any actual work—okay, maybe it is. But that’s not what I care about anymore.” 

Office of Admissions Introduces Grinnsmell Tour

By Gabby Hernandez

DUMPSTER BEHIND THE JRC—After the snow melted completely on the cusp of spring, Grinnell College hosted Junior Visit Day. It was the first event of the sort since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, and has a new component to the campus tour section of the event: the Grinnsmell Tour. There are many scents a Grinnellian can easily recognize, and the Grinnsmell Tour was created with the purpose of bringing a handful of those smells to the attention of prospective students. 

The tour begins in front of the Joseph Rosefiels Coroner (JRC) where prospective students are immediately given KN95 face masks. These masks have been pre-worn for nine days by tour guides so that prospective students may experience that unique mask musk that results from only being administered ten masks upon arrival. 

Student Joins Intramural Racquetball, is Scared

By Crystal Kaczmarczyk  

THE BEAR – Kayla Robinson ’25 sits with her head in her hands on a leather chair in the Bear lobby. After twenty minutes into the first practice of intramural racquetball this semester, Robinson is ready to quit.  

  “I didn’t even know what racquetball was, but now I wish I hadn’t learned. My teammate nearly sent a ball off the wall into my eye, and as I was dodging that, she smacked my head with her racquet,” Robinson reports, sporting a black eye. In fact, at this season’s opening practice, four of the ten student athletes that showed up reported similar injuries, including bruises, scratches, and sprained ankles. With balls reaching high speeds even at the amateur level and racquets being hurled around with the force only a stressed-out STEM major could muster, danger is certainly present.  

History SEPC Goes All-Out on French Revolution Harris

HARRIS CENTER– Last Saturday, the anxiously awaited 2022 season of Harris parties kicked off, the first since the pandemic began. Following the success of 90’s Harris, proposals for future events have been “streaming in at the speed of a drunken Cupid Shuffle,” said campus events coordinator Liam Ortega. “I’m thrilled to see the number and diversity of proposals,” he said. 

Students have a variety of events to look forward to in the coming weeks. Out on the party beat, we caught up with one upcoming host to learn more about the upcoming festivities. “Historians can have a reputation of being fairly bookish,” said history SEPC member Alma Wheeler. “In the past, our events have tended towards the academic, so we are super excited to host French Revolution Harris this Saturday night. Everyone loved 90’s Harris—and I hope that a 1790s Harris can bring some of that same energy.”

Editorial: Tornado Warning

By Anna Lipari

So my roommate and I were about to go to DHall last night– my coat was on, and I had my backpack full of study materials that I knew in my heart I wouldn’t end up using after dinner but that I’d packed anyway, just for the ritual comfort of it. And then the tornado siren started blaring. Goddammit, we said, not this, not now, and we started assembling things to take with us to the basement. Almonds and trail mix, cheese and crackers, sure, that can be dinner if we’re stuck down there for a while. That’s probably just as good as whatever the DHall vegan station has to offer to us. I grabbed my water bottle and snagged a deck of cards from the top of my dresser. When we got to the basement it was mostly empty. There was a guy there whose name I didn’t know, and in a few minutes our other roommate showed up, along with someone from our floor who I don’t think I’d ever spoken to before. We laid out our strange little picnic. I offered snacks to the other people there, but they had already been to DHall; I made a weak effort to introduce myself to the two strangers, but they didn’t seem all that invested in the conversation. 

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