By Conrad Dahm
When Grinnell students returned from the Thanksgiving break, they were met with a surprise. Instead of the normal homework and finals preparation, all students were forced to attend a mandatory meeting held by the administration on Mac Field.
In the bitter cold and biting wind, flanked by banners of her face, President Anne Harris solemnly declared that, “Grinnell is officially bankrupt, so we are shutting down the school.”
By Catherine Terelak
Last week, the S&B spoke to a panel of married and engaged Grinnellians who are smashing stereotypes of traditional campus life. As part of this conversation, the B&S has decided to interview five Grinnellians who are probably going to die alone.
By Edie Worrell
JRC– Grinnellians, the time has come upon us, yet again, to werk. Finals season begins, and we retreat to the darkness of Burling 4th floor to complete our tasks. The B&S notices your struggles, dear students, and thus we offer an extended hand. This year, we bring you a completely realistic, entirely helpful guide to surviving hell week. These tips and tricks are numbered from easiest to most drastic changes you can make in your life in order to better yourself and your academics. See below:
By Elke Calhoun
In an Outlook email from the Music SEPC, Grinnell College announced the grand revival of its Glee Club, now led by the psychotically optimistic Mashley Madams. Decked out in a mismatched sweater-vest ensemble and armed with the unyielding belief that show tunes can solve all interpersonal conflicts, Madams promised to bring literal and figurative harmony to Grinnell College.
By Josh Emrys Payong
Dear Binston Swongo,
Professor Largepaw (82M) from my Cryptozoology seminar pulled me (20M) to the side with his big, hairy, masculine arms after class to ask me if I would be “the twink to his bear” at the Winter Waltz this year. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I probably would’ve gone if he was still in his 60s, but this age gap is a little awkward now.
By Dale Bell
As finals week approaches and Grinnell students prepare for the end of the semester, Grinnell’s faculty are preparing for their own milestone, 12/12, the faculty equivalent of 10/10. 12/12 is known across campus as the one day where Grinnell Faculty let out the deep rage caused by living and working in Iowa by participating in a bacchanalian celebration so debauched and destructive it is said to “surpass all excesses known to God and man.”
The tradition is as old as the College itself, with the first recorded 12/12 taking place in 1846, when College founder Josiah B. Grinnell reportedly set fire to West Campus during a drunken bender with other members of the faculty. When interviewed by contemporary B&S reporters, Josiah Grinnell reportedly handed them a fifth of whiskey and said the immortal words spoken at the inauguration of every following 12/12 celebration: “Get trashed, young man.”
By Henry Coen
HEATING AND COOLING PLANT—Ice breakers are part of the Grinnell way of life. From NSO to the first day of class to the backyard of a High Street party, few have been more hostile to ice since the passengers of the Titanic. Yet one student has recently made news for taking this quintessential Grinnell behavior to a new level.
“I had the brilliant idea of pouring four gallons of Italian Wedding soup into my rolling backpack for me to slurp up with a straw when I get stressed during finals,” Missy Taka ’26 told our reporters. “I had just snuck past the cheery checkers and the wolves they have patrolling the JRC with my soup when I slipped on a pile of horse poop just laying around, probably from the inexplicable amount of sleigh rides happening on campus. My rolly bag went flying and all the boiling hot Italian Wedding soup poured out onto a patch of ice. I went over to try to scoop some of it back up into my bag, and you will never guess what I saw.”
By Carter Ottele
When the B&S invited me to return to the Grinnell College Dining Hall, I was elated.
Over a year prior, I had dined at The Roller Grill, an elegant, fast-casual project that merges nostalgically familiar flavors with fresh presentation, innovative decor, and sparkling wit. I returned therefore to the Dining Hall (deemed “D-Hall” by the sharp-tongued patrons of the local fine dining community) eager to reembark upon my journey of gastronomic discovery at a separate restaurant within the same food court: The Egg Station.
By Bella Takata
Bitch no, I’m not kidding. ANNE HARRIS GHOSTED US.
It wasn’t even like we did anything. Literally all we wanted was to host a little roast at the Gardner and she’s all like “sry can’t i’m wit da boys tn” like what do you have to do besides plan the Winter Waltz?? We know they’re stressed about finals but it’s really not that hard to just email us back. We just don’t get all these mixed signals, because the other day she told one of her friends who’s kinda sorta talking to our friend that she really liked our articles and we THOUGHT that meant that maybe we could be something but we guess not??
By Dale Bell
In a move that commentators are calling “an effective cost saving initiative,” “an interesting new take on the registration process,” and “oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck why are all my registered classes red now what the fuck happened oh my god I’m not going to graduate shit fuck shit,” the Registrar’s Office has announced they will be retroactively switching to a first come, first serve course registration process.
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