Grinnell's Bastion of Journalistic Integrity

Author: B&S Staff Page 1 of 4

Are You Just the Fucking Worst?

By Catherine Terelak

HSSC- Grinnell College is ranked “the fucking worst” of 254 United States colleges and universities, according to a September report by the World Association for Assholes, Tools, Eggheads, and Racists (WATER), a non-profit advocating for the rights of Persons Who Fucking Suck (PWFS). 

The report reveals that Grinnell respondents felt significantly more entitled to express their unpopular opinions poorly—and without social consequences—than students at all other schools surveyed. 

Heartwarming: This Grinnell Student that Couldn’t Afford Tuition Gets Conscripted

By Bohdin Bright

ADMISSIONS BUILDING- While Grinnell College’s status as officially recognized as the best Liberal Arts college in the United States is a source of pride for many on campus, that kind of reputation takes work to maintain. Out of the tens of thousands of applicants, only a few hundred can be accepted each year. If you want to make it in, you’ll need to stand out.

A Look Inside the New Union Contract

By Conrad Dahm

JRC- On April 4th, 2024, the Union of Grinnell Student Dining Workers (UGSDW) voted to ratify the first wall-to-wall undergraduate labor union contract in US history. The B&S, being the first publication on campus to report on this story, has an exclusive look into the new Union contract and its provisions. At first, the B&S tried to interview Union leaders but our requests were ignored. So, we decided to find an exclusive copy of the contract. Here is a look into the new UGSDW Contract:

Editor’s Note: This contract was obtained from the College’s office. We can’t tell if this is what actually was passed or what the College’s ideal contract was. Regardless, we wanted to publish it.

Does SPARC Spark Joy?

By Amelia Vrieze

PUBS OFFICE-During speculation that SPARC print publications were on the chopping block for next year’s budget, many students at Grinnell expressed that they wanted more transparency about the administration’s budgeting process. After a few weeks of intensive investigative journalism, and minimal breaking-and-entering, our hard-working B&S reporters may have found the answer.

Searching through meeting minutes and budget reports, one name popped up again and again. The one secret influence behind it all: . Maryanne Condominium.

College Announces Layoffs

By Liv Hage

MEARS COTTAGE- In a desperate move to scrounge up cash to fund student publications, Grinnell has started firing professors and replacing them with Grinnell students. The so-called ‘restructuring initiative’ was enacted on Thursday by Billiber Blubberbun, spokesperson for Financial Operations at Grinnell. “I strongly believe that this will benefit everyone in the community” Blubberbun claims. “Those righteous brats *cough* I mean students will now be able to teach whatever they want”. When asked if students would be receiving a salary similar to a professor’s, Blubberbun claimed that they would instead be paid in “dining dollars” and “Grinnell swag”. 

Waitlists Incite Violence Among Grinnellians, Damage Escalates

By Josh Payong

BUCKSBAUM ARTS CENTER – Skin on skin. Muscle against muscle. The blood of one student mixes with the sweat of another (and also their saliva, freaky!) as they engage in brutal, high-stakes combat. The winner’s prize? A spot in Professor Therius’ most lucrative class – ART-369: Advanced Furry Media Studies.

In response to the ever-growing waitlists for essential courses, Grinnell College students have resorted to violence to ensure their registration in a class they need for their major or personal character development. This violence is of a nature so unrelentingly savage that even Vivek Ramaswamy has expressed great reluctance in his return to the small Iowa town for his Supreme Leader of the Bottom Society election campaign out of concern for his safety.

No, You and Your Friends Would Not Be Good Podcast Hosts

By Jude Morgan

KDIC Studio- “My buddies and I were just talking late one night, when it suddenly hit me. What if, hear me out, we started a podcast? So many people would listen to us, we’d be like THE philosophers of our time.” said Brad Chaddington ‘27 when being interviewed for a timeslot on KDIC’s radio weekly schedule. For staff at KDIC, this phrase had become all too familiar. With the sudden rise of true crime, gym bro, and motivational podcasts, college radio has been struggling to find anyone who is willing to play actual music, or contribute any content with actual substance.

“Weekend” Expands– Now to be Called “Week”

By Edie Worrell

JRC- Grinnell College’s premier student-run event committee has recently announced their decision to expand. “Weekend,” as they are called, was formed last year, after its creator, Whistle Hornblower, noticed a lack of overly expensive events on the campus.

“I created Weekend after I noticed that all of the students’ event fees were only being given to these smaller, less worthy student-run organizations,” explained Hornblower, “I thought to myself– hey! Why do they get to hoard all of the activity fee money? Shouldn’t we add some more lavish events to outdo these weak little organizations? Like, “Bird Club.” What even is that, anyways? A club for birds? Pretty sure they have one of those already. It’s called a flock.”

Student Involvement to Spend Entire Budget on Tesla Cybertruck

By Chris Cardenas

JRC- In a move that surely had the entire student body stunned, the administration announced a bold new direction for the controversial Student Publications & Radio Committee (SPARC) budget. Apparently, the days of paper cuts are over, because according to those in the know, the B&S is about to be cruising the streets of Grinnell in style. In a $90,000 Tesla Cybertruck, that is.

Annual Bachelor of Arts Exhibition Opens

By Liv Hage

Bucksbaum: 

April 12, 2024

As the annual Bachelor of Arts exhibition known as ‘BAX’ approaches, a herd of miscellaneous  art majors race to finish and install their pieces. While traditionally, students compete for prizes such as ‘Best in Show’, this year the juror has introduced a few new categories such as “Most Deranged”, “What the actual Fuck”, and “Why…just WHY”. These prizes may seem strange, but they were in fact created specifically for the unique body of work that will be featured in the show.

 In an interview with the B&S, museum director Billy Beans Burger commented, “This is by far the most unhinged lineup we’ve had, I haven’t seen anything like this since the vulture corpse installation in 1988”. Beans Burger is not overreacting. After being granted a private tour of the exhibition, our arts reporter Luella Peregrine 25’  went insane. Since the tour, she has locked herself in her dorm and only communicates if she receives a bag of Harvest Cheddar Sunchips. 

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