Author: B&S Staff Page 2 of 9

By Josh Emrys Payong

JOE ROSENFIELD ‘25 CENTER – “We’re not fucking around this year,” declared a spokesperson of Grinnell Dining Services when asked about the menu for this year’s Christmas Dessert Table, “We’ve got people putting their lives on the line for that $20 Vinyl Stop gift card.”

This year, in response to relatively mild reception from partakers of past editions of the Holiday Dessert Extravaganza event, the stakes have been raised. It is now a competition — titled the First Annual Yuletide Hunger Games™ (Dessert Edition) — with judge Anne Harris designing the criteria herself, which include (but are not limited to): presentation, creativity, social commentary, affordability, and bloodshed, each of which has a prize up for grabs. The wide array of ways to succeed has produced an even wider variety of strategies.

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By Nell Badgley

HARRIS CENTER- Every year, Weekend makes it clear that the dress code for the Winter Waltz is semi-formal, but not strictly enforced. However, upon announcing this year’s Waltz theme, Enchanted Forest, Weekend coordinators have been very clear that they will be cracking down on dress code particulars– specifically, all students will be required to sport a bush to this year’s dance.

“We were sitting around the conference table thinking, okay. We’ve got this huge budget and a chance to influence campus culture– what sort of culture do we want to create here at Grinnell? And then we realized exactly what this campus needs, especially in this cold– the chic, timeless, ever-insulating bush,” Amy Looking `28. “So we decided on ‘Enchanted Forest’ as a result.”

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By James Applegate

JOE ROSENFIELD CENTER ‘25 – Grinnell students living off-campus have been left reeling after a series of college administration-sponsored raids confiscated large amounts of prohibited drinks and spirits. One B&S reporter discovered, at great cost (may flights of angels accompany her to her rest), that the operation was carried out by newly-appointed student dry agents from Weekend, recently tasked by the Board of Trustees with easing students into the dry sobriety of an impending fully on-campus student body. In an explanatory all-campus memo, assistant dean for Residence Life Lenny Purrkins wrote, “Students need to have a robust sense of community and identity, which we only really see develop within the juiceless confines of Grinnell’s hallowed halls and crispy prairie fields. We just don’t want you kids to miss out on the joys of on-campus living, where you can get a big bang for a big buck.”

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By Sophia Levitas-Goren

FRENCH HOUSE- That fateful Friday held more than just a few drunken activities and lively traditions; it unleashed a discovery unbeknownst to the likes of Grinnell, Iowa. Probably because it shouldn’t have been in Grinnell, Iowa. The lovely residents of French House took it upon their lovely shoulders to throw the best damn party the college had seen yet that not-so-lovely semester. The carefully crafted email sent out by resident Shmamika Shmatteson expressed its theme to be European rave-esque and “to dress as cool as possible” — direct quotes. However, as the residents traversed into the basement of their home, they happened upon a fascinating surprise.

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By Edie Worrell

BREAKING NEWS–

Long-time, dedicated staff writer Catherine Terelak has been missing for over 48 hours. Last seen at the tables in the HSSC outside of Global Cafe, the search for Catherine has begun since news first broke of her absence late Sunday afternoon. Catherine has been fired from her staff position at the B&S due to her absence at the recent meeting and failure to turn in her most recent article, most likely due to her disappearance. Hailing from Gloucester, Massachusetts, those close to Terelak say that if seen, she can be lured out with promises of Pearl Harbors and Henry Wallace. 

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By Edie Worrell

YOUR BORING HOMETOWN– Here at the B&S we understand that the holiday season can be a struggle for many, many reasons– fighting the urge to booty call your ex, admitting to your parents how much money you spent at I80-Dhaba, (finally) getting STD tested, and having to interact with all the miscellaneous characters in your family in one setting, can all be a lot. Especially your family. Conversing with these people is hard. We can’t really offer any advice on that domain. But we can advise you on the proper presents to award these specific family and friends with! 

Without further ado, we at the B&S present to you: The B&S’s Complete and FINAL Holiday Gift Guide 2025*

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By Sarah Reif

Editor’s Note- There was no AI involved in the writing of this article. 

B&S investigative reporters uncovered the Chat GPT logs of Theater, Dance, and Performance Studies (TDPS) Professor Albert Camo working on his AI collaboration show. Needless to say, we can’t wait for opening night.

Write a play

Great idea, Albert! Should the play be a comedy, drama, musical, or a futuristic mash-up of styles?

ooo, I like how futuristic mash-up sounds. It should be cutting-edge

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By Conrad Dahm

OLD GLOVE FACTORY- In a recent email to all student employees, Grinnell College has revealed it has “accidentally” been paying student employees the incorrect wage. Per the current Collective Bargaining Agreement (CBA) between the College and the Union of Grinnell Student Dining Workers (UGSDW), the College is mandated to pay a base wage of $13.77 per hour to all student workers. However, over half of student workers report being paid only $8.44 per hour, the base wage on campus in August of 2022, before the CBA was ratified. 

“Oopsie! I guess we were paying student workers the wrong wage. Our bad!” said Smart Blotts, director of student payroll, in an interview with the B&S. “It was a total accident on our part. ADP has been such a problem.”

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By Conrad Dahm

FORUM- As the winter season begins, Grinnell College Student Health and Wellness (SHAW) is reminding students to receive important vaccines against consumption, smallpox, COVID, and flu. The B&S spoke with SHAW workers to get the inside scoop on how you can protect yourself this winter season, so you never have to miss a night of a crowded high street party, where it is -10 F outside and 99 F inside. 

“Consumption rates at Grinnell College are up 14% this year compared to last year. Smallpox rates are up 6-7%,” said Jonas Stalk, director of SHAW at Grinnell. “We’ve seen increasing numbers of students test positive for the disease.” Stalk has served as director of SHAW for 15 years and has not “seen this amount of disease ever.” 

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By Nell Badgley

After years of arduous construction, millions and millions of dollars, Renfrow Hall has already found its footing as a beacon of college-community connection. After much promise that the state-of-the-art Civic Innovation Pavilion would deliver on demolishing any remaining divisions between campus and community life once and for all, recent events have proved its significance. Last week, a record-breaking 3 community members were spotted in the Renfrow facilities.

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