By Sarah Reif

Editor’s Note- There was no AI involved in the writing of this article. 

B&S investigative reporters uncovered the Chat GPT logs of Theater, Dance, and Performance Studies (TDPS) Professor Albert Camo working on his AI collaboration show. Needless to say, we can’t wait for opening night.

Write a play

Great idea, Albert! Should the play be a comedy, drama, musical, or a futuristic mash-up of styles?

ooo, I like how futuristic mash-up sounds. It should be cutting-edge

Great, let’s do the futuristic mash-up. How many people should be in the cast, one or two, or a larger group, around fifteen to twenty? Where is the setting? Is the play an moody manifesto from a tortured genius or a feel-good celebrati

STOP just write the play this isn’t difficult I would be done by now. But it should lean more on the tortured genius side

Got it! 

The Sufferings of a Friendless Bastard Prostitute

By Albert Camo

[Friendless bastard prostitute Marriner S. Eccles soliloquizes to audience from an icy hovel.]

MARRINER S. ECCLES

Only a nickel from the factory again tonight. I bet my female counterparts just got penny, though. I guess things really could be worse. 

[Marriner pulls on his jacket, a discarded Snickers wrapper.]

Time to sell my body for a can of pinto beans.

Scene Two

[First of eighteen flashbacks. MARRINER S. ECCLES cro

It’s really good but it might be too heavy. Add some comic relief

Great idea! Comic relief is a helpful tool used to alleviate heavy moments. Here is the script adjusted for comic relief:

[ECCLES soliloquizes to audience from icy hovel.]

ECCLES

For the love of our lord and savior Beyonce, only a nickel from the factory again? Oh brother! If the wealth gap were any wider, I’d have mistaken it for Michael Strahan’s two front teeth! I guess it’s time to go sell my body for a can of beans. 

[singing]

Chestnuts roasting on a dumpster fire! Jack Fro

No, I don’t like that at all. Start over. And write something better, more classic

Sure! Here is a more classic script for your play:

[We open on a weak man struggling to climb the stairs of his apartment building. Next to the stairs, a large poster states “BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU”. The telescreen in his apartment continually spouts the propaganda of Oceania. Outsi

That’s 1984 by George Orwell

You’re right! If you want, I can make a list of pros and cons of plagiarizing 1984 for your play. 

No, just write a good original play. Or even just ONE good idea for a play. 

Absolutely! According to what you’ve told me, the best play would be moving the pawn to d4 and recapturing the knight. White can castle on either the Kingside or the Que

God, the simplest thing. I’ll just write it myself then. 

My Play

By Albert Camo

The man went