By Isabella Nesbeth

GRINNELL DINING HALL—Last Saturday, students were absolutely flabbergasted when they walked in the Dining Hall and noticed that a good portion of seating was roped off. In an attempt to minimize the amount of cleaning that would have to be done, Grinnell Administration has forced all students to sit in the main dining hall. Considering that only a fraction of students stayed on campus for Thanksgiving break, this should not have been a problem. But Dining Services crucially overestimated the extent to which Grinnell students can function socially.

When B&S reporters canvassed the main dining hall we found a few students crammed into the very large space. One student, Erma Lorne ’26, was cowering under the table next to the Whale room eating with her hands like Gollum: “My totally real friends went home for thanksgiving. They left me here alone. Normally I would grab a box or sit behind the gluten free section but neither of those are options right now. Do you want to sit with me?” Lorne pleaded to our reporters. No, no we did not.

Further down the row of tables we noticed a group of students dressed in skimpy “prisoner” uniforms purchased at the Lion’s Den Adult Superstore standing on a table. After begging one of them to get down, we were able to interview them. “Sitting in General Population changes you.” Brooks Kennedy ’24 told us while using a wildly offensive blackcent– think Bhad Bhabie. “Yo, imma changed man since I’ve been eating in here. I used to be like them,” Kennedy said pointing to the second floor where absolutely nobody was sitting, “living the high life, looking down on everyone. Sitting down here has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” It seems like Kennedy has never experienced anything hard in his life.

We did notice one group of students sitting at a table that looked, dare I say, normal? Or at least as normal as any Grinnell student can be. Jackson Rivers ’23.5 tells us “I sit here every day. This is normal to me. I thrive on the chaos and confusion of 1,655 students rushing to try and find a seat at 11:51am. Y’all are so dramatic.” Rivers then punched a wall and walked away.

The last group of students we noticed on our Tour De Dining Hall was the Grinnell UGSDW! They were protesting the lack of seating available this weekend. It seems like they have found yet another issue to add to the ever-growing and rarely successful list of demands. Luckily, when break ended and classes resumed on Monday, Dining Services opened all of the seating sections, restoring the delicate order of the Grinnell social scene.