By Sarah Reif

DAG HOUSE- On 9:22 AM, March 28, 2025, the Grinnell College Residence Life (ResLife) Department announced that Art House had been replaced by Duels and Games (DAG) House. A coup d’état (via email). The outlook notification heard round the world.

Six months have passed since that day. Still, the conflict pushes on. The B&S had to get to the bottom of why it all happened. We needed material after the administration ordered us to destroy our last issue, “Punching Down”. DAG leader General Blight E. Pfizercoward ‘27 permitted B&S correspondents entry to the house for a brief interview. Reporters were equipped with protective vests as they approached the front lines. Wind chill is no joke.

Two officers, armed with what looks to be a pool noodle, silently escorted us through DAG headquarters. We followed the pair into the living room. There was barely any furniture in the space, leaving a vast expanse of grey carpet tiles. This was generally unsurprising, though, considering the house is a Grinnell student residence. At the other end of the room, General Pfizercoward surveyed us from behind a large wooden desk, which consisted of three dorm desks pushed together. On the wall behind him hung a truly gigantic, ornate oil painting of that one character from South Park. “Please, sit.” He says, gesturing to the two foldable footstools in front of his desk.

Pfizercoward had an intimidating air about him. That was immediately gone when he paced out from behind the desk, revealing his cargo shorts and flip flops. He asked us to call him by his nickname, ‘The Prairie Ferret’, a reference to his shrewd dueling strategy. “The Prairie Ferret, what motivated you to invade Art House?” We ask. Pfizercoward’s face flushes red, and he pounds his hands upon the desk. “They have ridiculed us! They have laughed at our dignified pursuits, our barefoot jousting efforts on Mac field! God forbid we perfect our lunge attack form!” he scoffs. “No longer, say I! Art House is just the beginning! DAG will achieve the greatness we are due!”

He continues, saying: “I can assure you, Art House is in no way a ‘victim’. They say we invaded them or we annexed them…; ridiculous! The people of Art House were cheering us on as we marched through their halls.” After further questioning, Pfizercoward also insisted the occupation was certainly not motivated by unresolved angst over certain DAG members having their housing applications rejected from art house.

The turmoil on Park St. has only seemed to strengthen the rest of the student body. Athletes and non-athletes have resolved much of the vehement hatred historically dividing them. Second years have become more tolerant of first years having rights. The price of a chai latte at Global Café has dropped to an astonishing $5.

Still, Pfizercoward is unfazed: “Grinnell will be ours! We will stop at nothing! We shall fight on Cleveland Beach! In the halls of Noyce! Outside the HSSC! But preferably not on the vulture droppings! Adjacent to the vulture droppings! Grinnell, in the end, DAG club will no longer exist, for all will be DAG.” Pfizercoward continued speaking long after this, but it is the opinion of the B&S that in this war, whichever side may call itself the victor, there is a very clear loser.