The B&S is saddened to report that, in light of recent events, four of its veteran staff members have been fired. See the messages below for more details:

Carter Ottele was fired after four years of illustrious service to the B&S—two as a writer and two as the editor. While he strived to maintain a professional and reputable image, cracks in the façade recently began to show. His humor turned less biting and more edgy; often, he made offensive remarks then followed them with a dismissive “I’m just kidding.” Moreover, he repeatedly defended his right to appropriate other cultures, claiming that “all culture is relative anyway” as he donned a traditional Lakota headdress. This concerning behavior culminated at a recent meeting. There, Carter suggested publishing the “punching down edition,” a copy of the paper that would exclusively make fun of historically marginalized groups like QPOC, the BSU, and students availing themselves of Disability Resources. At this proposal, the rest of the B&S staff—no saints themselves—voted to expel him from the paper that he had so valiantly led for two years, thus marking a sorrowful ending to what had once been a distinguished career. 

William Dale Bell was let go from the B&S after two years as a writer, one ill-fated year as an editor, and one year in European exile after a sordid affair with Binston Swongo. Dale was known for his commitment to truth, quality, and embezzlement. After spending the better part of the year hunting them through the dark Grinnellian underworld, Dale was fired for the brutal murder of the thief of the Pubs Office Label Maker, which Dale loved like a son. Dale is gone but will never be forgotten, as he has labelled almost everything in the B&S office. He will continue to write for the B&S, despite his firing, under his well-known pseudonym Bella Takata.

Henry Coen has been fired for divulging private messages between administrators, name calling, hair pulling, assassination attempts on multiple editors, money laundering via NOVATime, food fighting, writing articles day they are due, side eye, spam texting the WhatsApp, little butt, repeated theft of the label maker, attending meetings while intoxicated. attending meetings sober, skimming during peer review, bad vibes, and kiss-assery. Starting next semester Henry Coen will no longer be employed at the B&S. Please ignore all past or present content or messages from this writer. 

Lastly, we regret to inform you that we must part ways with our most illustrious writer, Elke Liesel Calhoun. It all began when our most vigilant accounting team in administration noticed that Ms. Calhoun had not submitted a single NOVAtime card. For the entire semester. Our heavenly and attentive Mashley Madams took it upon herself to address the issue, gently reaching out to the writer on the matter. After days of no response, even after the email was marked with high importance on Outlook ( ‼️), Ms Adams reached out to the former editor Carter Ottele.  He replied, “Oh yeah. That biyotch actually hasn’t come to a single meeting all semester. What the frick.” 

Upon further investigation, it appears that the real Ms. Calhoun has been governmentally locked up for alleged “gossip-mongering” and “queening out.” Apparently her CIA-assigned body double had not been informed that Ms. Calhoun was gainfully employed by the ever diligent B & S. We are checking the body double’s references and plan to bring her on staff in the fall semester. Stay tuned Grinnell!