By Catherine Terelak

HSSC- Grinnell College is ranked “the fucking worst” of 254 United States colleges and universities, according to a September report by the World Association for Assholes, Tools, Eggheads, and Racists (WATER), a non-profit advocating for the rights of Persons Who Fucking Suck (PWFS). 

The report reveals that Grinnell respondents felt significantly more entitled to express their unpopular opinions poorly—and without social consequences—than students at all other schools surveyed. 

The B&S spoke with two PWFS with a flagrant disregard for the general conventions around political discussion in a civil society. Four interviews with PWFS were conducted but could not be printed, as respondents’ answers would be tantamount to social suicide and The B&S believes these individuals are perfectly capable of digging their own graves. 

WATER ranked schools using a 2023 College Tachycardia survey of 55,102 undergraduates at 254 schools, including 108 Grinnell students. This is the largest study of PWFS ever performed, according to WATER. 

Among Grinnell students, 77% have been told by peers that they are deliberately confusing and needlessly provocative when expressing themselves politically, and 75% admitted that most of their “political opinions” are verbatim recitations of YouTube Shorts (25%), Reddit shitposts (25%), and Instagram Reels (25%). 

Additionally, 72% of Grinnell students said they would feel “persecuted” if someone disagreed with them, with 39% indicating that they would “cry about it.” 

“Pretty much everyone I’ve met at Grinnell thinks I should just shut the fuck up,” said one second-year student. “If I wasn’t a PWFS, this wouldn’t be the case.” 

“As a PWFS,” one third-year student said, “I worry about getting canceled because I know I’ll never make any other friends. I’m already scraping the bottom of the barrel.”