By Edie Worrell
LOOSE HALL- After almost an entire year’s worth of expensive renovations, Loose Hall has finally opened its doors to students and new residents of the building, and the B&S can confidently say: It’s still fucking ugly. Last month, I went, as a top B&S investigative reporter, to check out the grand reopening and get the inside scoop on what life has been like for some of its newest inhabitants.
By Catherine Terelak
Dear Attention-Seeking Professor,
Welcome to late middle age! While we haven’t met, you once snapped your fingers at me while I was cashiering at Ace Hardware, which told me all I needed to know about the kind of person you are. (True story.) Additionally, I feel as though we’ve been introduced through Karen memes and American Psycho. Do you know how to read? Oh — In English and French? What a miracle! Studies show that your generation was exposed to lead as children, leading to psychosis, ADHD, and antisocial behavior. According to me (FYI, the NYT is for crosswords now), your cohort is cynical, emotionally repressed, and desperate for the comfort of a strawberry daiquiri and the stability of an early retirement. You are a “generation of swine” (Hunter S. Thompson’s words) because you came of age when it was cool to embrace the onslaught of anti-intellectualism and consumer excess for which you blame poor, sweet, earnest Gen Z.
By Conrad Dahm
OFF CAMPUS- We’re back to school, and everyone is fucking miserable already. The B&S is back to report on this misery, and there is a lot of it. One way that students alleviate it is by going to off-campus parties and getting drunk. (When you say this out loud, it really makes you think, right?) With off-campus housing potentially being taken away, the B&S decided to do an investigation into various off-campus houses. Let’s interview the (un)lucky students who get to live off-campus!
By Sarah Reif
DAG HOUSE- On 9:22 AM, March 28, 2025, the Grinnell College Residence Life (ResLife) Department announced that Art House had been replaced by Duels and Games (DAG) House. A coup d’état (via email). The outlook notification heard round the world.
Six months have passed since that day. Still, the conflict pushes on. The B&S had to get to the bottom of why it all happened. We needed material after the administration ordered us to destroy our last issue, “Punching Down”. DAG leader General Blight E. Pfizercoward ‘27 permitted B&S correspondents entry to the house for a brief interview. Reporters were equipped with protective vests as they approached the front lines. Wind chill is no joke.
The B&S is saddened to report that, in light of recent events, four of its veteran staff members have been fired. See the messages below for more details:
By Carter Ottele
I’ve been remarkably lucky to edit the B&S for the last two years. Most schools don’t pay their students to print articles with headlines like “Tenured Professors Celebrate 1,000 Days by Selling Souls, Engaging in Wild Orgy” or “Grinnellians Die Alone”; the fact that SPARC continues funding the B&S remains a marvel and a mystery. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my time with this publication, and I look forward to seeing it grow under new leadership.
By Sarah Reif
One morning a couple of weeks ago, I was walking through the HSSC when I crossed paths with a horde of jabbering youths, all adorned in red lanyards. It was, as I soon discovered, Admitted Students Day.
I always reserve judgement until I am confident that I truly know and understand the subject matter. That being said, I immediately knew I didn’t like them. Ambling around like thieves casing the scene of the crime. Fraternizing among themselves. Answering questions about prepositions in my German class (that I also knew the answer to, I just didn’t raise my hand as quickly because I’m not competitive). The sight of these possible future students instantly sickened me.
By Elke Calhoun
Another sun sets across the ever-expanding Iowa skies. You rest contentedly on your post, satisfied after another long day of guarding your expanse of asphalt. Three people turned correctly down your avenue. You are satisfied; you have purpose; you are the High Street sign.
Suddenly, you hear rustle, a bustle. From the bushes emerge three figures swathed in darkness and bright red Grinnell Men’s Basketball merch. You tense in all of your metallic glory. You have been THE HIGH STREET sign throughout living memory (since the 2021 derecho), and you are no fool to what happens to good upstanding signs when sportos come lurking.
By James Applegate
CATACOMBS—Two weeks ago, President Donald J. Trump signed the Sticker-Vinyl Act, which couples a demographic tax on all users of the vinyl stickers popular with merchandise offices with a massive tariff on the vinyl used to make such stickers. To understand the impact that the Sticker-Vinyl Act has had, the B&S reached out to Dr. Rita Banna Bouhques, Professor of Political Science and History. The author of New York Times bestseller “A Sticker a Day Keeps the Dictator Away”, Dr. Banna Bouhques teaches such courses as “Political Stickers as Resistance” and “Political Stickers in American History” at the college and recently demonstrated for sticker-user rights alongside thousands of protestors at the Iowa State House.
By Catherine Terelak
At forty-eight years old, I never thought I’d be faced with the decision to aboyt my nineteen-year-old son. Pathologically useless, Brody graduated high school with no plans for employment, vocational training, or further education. For a year now, he’s been huffing paint in the garage, online gambling with an account attached to my credit card, and watching Israeli floor hockey videos at maximum volume on the family television. His intellectual challenges are such that he cannot perform the basic tasks of daily living, including feeding and hygiene. He cannot regulate his emotions and spends eighteen hours a day in a weed-induced trance, rarely leaving his childhood bedroom. His friends are similarly delayed and have become an additional burden for our family, perpetually sneaking in through the back door with thirty-racks of Twisted Tea.
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