By Javy Rommel-Ruiz

THE ISLAND—Annette Hunter, 25’, gazes dramatically into the sunset, recalling the events that led her here. 

It was only a short month ago that Hunter made a seemingly innocuous comment to Professor Ann Taganist about wanting her final project in ENG-101: Prey and Royale, to be reenacting Richard Connell’s “The Most Dangerous Game” over spring break. But Professor Taganist suggested that she check Handshake for internships first.  

That night, after a caffeine-fueled frenzy to finish a midterm paper, and covered in the blood, sweat and tears of Grill workers, Hunter found herself browsing handshake. And there she saw it, the holy trinity of student opportunities: an unpaid, alt. break, externship with Going to the Island to get Hunted. GTTITGH advertises itself as the elite student experience only available to only the most goal oriented and sycophantic students. 

Weeks later, after passing through a downright cutthroat interview process, Hunter stepped off the College’s private jet on The Island. It is here that she, and a few other select students, rubbed shoulders with the .00001% of society: the Grinnell Board of trustees, select alumni, and “captains of industry” such as Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, and Steve Job’s ghost. After some light socializing, where prospective donors got to know their victims (to make the kill all the sweeter), the Grinnell annual Running of the Students commenced.  

To survive this most dangerous game, Hunter and her fellow tributes, Chester Chubbs 24’, Xina Warrior-Princess 22’ and Smith Johnson 23’were forced to rely on their intuitive skills as Grinnellians, as well as their ability to ask hard questions and question easy answers. Together with the magic of friendship they were able to turn the tide of battle and become the hunters. Hunter credits her success to her ultimate frisbee training, and that one GORP excursion she went on last semester where she learned to camouflage herself into the iowa foliage using plant material and Dhall churro beans. The battle was a bloody one. After numerous close calls, Hunter and her fellow students stood victorious. The student had finally triumphed over the admin and donors. Subsequently, Hunter collapsed from exhaustion.  

Hunter awoke in a pile of foam weapons, which DAG had prepared as part of their annual ritual known as “Field Day” (which suspiciously occurred the same day, and had thematic parallels to Easter). As the DAG members prepared to LARP The Hunger Games, Hunter realized three things: 1. The Island and Iowa were one and the same, 2. This whole story might have been a drug induced allegorical fever dream about Scarlet and Black week, and 3. The most dangerous game was actually The Game.  

In related news stay tuned for the B&S’ coverage of the campus-wide bloodsport, room draw.