Author: B&S Staff Page 3 of 7
By Bella Nesbeth
On Friday, November 4th, thousands of families flocked to Iowa to visit the hallowed halls of the esteemed Grinnell College. They were led on tours through the “boring” Noyce Science Center, the “newly renovated” Humanities and Social Sciences Center, and the beautiful “Anne” Harris Center. “No matter where we went on campus, the smell of absolutely wretched, filthy, abominable dookie seemed to follow us,” said London Hilton, mother of Madrid Hilton, Class of 2026. “Are students dropping deuces on that field over there?” Hilton questioned, pointing towards North campus and the suspiciously smelling MacEachron Field, fresh from ultimate frisbee practice.
By Anna Lipari
So we threw away the dirty spoon. Please don’t be upset with me, editors-past; I know it had become a landmark, that it had been sitting in the second drawer of the desk in the B&S office since before I ever attended Grinnell College, a symbol of all our endearing quirks. But it was really gross, cemented to the bottom of the metal cabinet by years-old grime and hogging valuable drawer space. So when I walked this year’s new editors, Gabby and Dale, through the office, I didn’t object to their offer to help clean things up. Together, we sorted through years-old pitch lists and layout drafts. There was some really choice content in there; I hope you don’t mind if we update some of it and reincorporate it into future publications. And I really hope you don’t mind that we threw the spoon directly into the garbage.
By Carter Ottele
Last week, the Grinnell student union won a historic victory, winning the election to expand the union by 327 to 6. The B&S called these six student workers who voted “No” and asked how they made their decisions. These are their stories.
Voter 1: I have nothing against unions, I really don’t. I’d love to get paid more. It’s just, my ex is on the union board and he’s such a little bitch. Oh, he’d loooove to have a union victory wouldn’t he? Do I want the protections and advancements a union could provide me? Of course. But frankly, petty vengefulness feels so much better. Jeremy, if you’re reading this, I hate you.
By Anna Lipari
GARDINER LOUNGE– Returning to classes on Monday after a big weekend can be rough at the best of times, but the post-Fetish letdown is especially notable. How should you behave in an early morning English class, staring across the table at a classmate who you watched being walked on a leash like a dog? Is there an appropriate way to acknowledge the fact that your friends, your roommates, and the freshmen you tutor in the Math Lab have now seen you in an outfit skimpier than the college’s budget for student wages? The B&S interviewed seasoned third- and fourth-year Fetish-goers for their tried-and-tested advice for underclassmen struggling with post-Fetish blues.
Jared Salamander, ‘23 advises his fellow students to let their freak flag fly: “Having a couple kinks is totally normal. Why not just own it? Maybe the girl making awkward eye contact with you in the mailroom was totally turned on by your nipple clamps and assless jorts.” Salamander shrugs. “It hasn’t worked for me yet, but who knows?”
By Carter Ottele
RRC– In a move that its administration has called “a historic step forward”, Grinnell College’s dining hall has decided to stop serving solid food. With this decision, Grinnell will be the first college in the nation to completely eliminate the need for utensils. Grinnell has struggled for months with understaffing, particularly in its dining hall. Students have felt the effects of understaffing first-hand.
“At first we didn’t have reusable plates,” one student told the B&S. “And then we didn’t have any plates. So people got upset, and we had plates again…but the utensils kept running out. Then they tried serving us food by swallowing it and regurgitating it directly into our mouths—you know, like penguins?—and honestly, it wasn’t too bad, except there weren’t enough workers to make it happen.”
JRC– In an email sent a few months ago, the Grinnell administration begged students to stop using Yik Yak. “We can’t actually stop you from doing this, but we just really want you to. Please? Please will you stop? Stop it! Stop going on Yik Yak!” Admin sent this email after reports of bullying, as well as other problems. “I don’t want to say who, but one of my students forgot that the PWeb discussion board wasn’t Yik Yak and posted ‘why won’t any1 touch me’ in the Chapter Two Discussion section. It was awkward the next day in class” said Professor Gayne Wubbins.
As a result of this email, every single student immediately opened Yik Yak. More Grinnellians were on Yik Yak in the hour after this email than when Sister Cindy came to campus. After seeing this result, admin decided to try tactics other than sending pleading emails to their student body.
By Dale Bell
JRC—We here at the B&S believe that constitutions should be living documents, preferably with teeth and a lust for human blood, and as such we believe it is our solemn duty to update the constitution of Grinnell’s only news source every one-hundred and fifty years.
In the interest of transparency, we have decided to release a few select clauses from the new and improved B&S constitution for our loyal readers.
Article II. Incorporation
Section I: Taxation
For tax purposes the B&S shall be recognized as a Druidic Temple. Open to the public goat sacrifices must be held bi-annually and every Church Edict (article) must end with the phrase “Praise Lugh.”
By: Clare Newman
THE HONOR G GRILL — Recently at Grinnell College, things have been going really well. Everyone has been having a good time, and there are zero problems either immediately apparent or simmering ominously beneath the surface, waiting to bite the ankles of anyone unfortunate enough to stumble. President Anne Harris has just had an immense victory with the union expansion vote. Expanding UGSDW to be able to represent all hourly student workers was actually Anne Harris’s idea all along, and she is working on adding UGSDW as a sub-section of the department of student affairs. Just another beautiful leaf, on a twig, on a branch of Grinnell College’s gigantic and thriving tree of bureaucracy. This plan, she states, will make the union even more effective.
by Anna Lipari
In what was presented as an effort to reduce waste, Grinnell College dining hall did not provide reusable or disposable plates for lunch on Monday, April 25th. Students were encouraged to eat their meals directly off of serving trays, though small paper drink cups were provided for soups, beverages, and any other food items students would rather not have sliding loose on their trays.
This policy received heavy criticism from students, who voiced concerns such as “I was forced to sign up for this meal plan at $18 dollars a meal and don’t want to get fiberglass and paint flakes in my food,” “I feel like a filthy little pig eating filthy little pig slop,” and “Why can’t the college use some of its $2.93 billion endowment to buy some plates?”
