By Dale Bell

JRC—We here at the B&S believe that constitutions should be living documents, preferably with teeth and a lust for human blood, and as such we believe it is our solemn duty to update the constitution of Grinnell’s only news source every one-hundred and fifty years.

In the interest of transparency, we have decided to release a few select clauses from the new and improved B&S constitution for our loyal readers.

Article II. Incorporation

Section I: Taxation

For tax purposes the B&S shall be recognized as a Druidic Temple. Open to the public goat sacrifices must be held bi-annually and every Church Edict (article) must end with the phrase “Praise Lugh.”

Section M: The Happening

For information of The Happening please refer to Article LVII. Section L.

Article XVI. Club Leadership

Section I: Nomenclature

Club leaders will be known by the title Arch-Druid/Druidess/Druidx.

Section II: Election

It is one of the B&S’s core tenets that the pen is mightier than the sword, hence, club leadership shall be decided on the first solstice of every year via personal combat, using only pens.

Section LL: Terms Of Office

Leadership’s terms of office will constitute three years, until graduation, or until death by pen, bus, or both.

Article LVII. Compensation

Section VXI: Writers’ Payment

Content creators shall be paid per click on their articles to the amount of one non-fungible goat.

Section VXII: Web Designers’ Payment

Web designers shall be paid per click on the website to the amount of one non-fungible chicken.

Section VXIII: Constitution Writers’ Payment

Constitutions writers shall be paid the entire $120,000 budget of the B&S for the indispensable work that they do.

Section M: The Happening

For information of The Happening please refer to Article II. Section M.

Article XVLII. Style Guide

Section I: Oxford Comma

Use of the Oxford Comma is forbidden, we defeated the English for a reason.

Section II: Top Hats

Top Hats are encouraged.

Section III: Pince-Nez Style Glasses

Pince-Nez are discouraged.

Section IV: Crocs

Crocs are required.

Section V: Sponge

Every time the word sponge is written in an article the writer must do three jumping jacks.

Article XVLII. Meetings

Section I: Meeting Times

Meetings will be held once every two weeks on Sunday. A quorum of members must be present for the meeting to begin.

Section II: Quorum

Quorum is achieved when one eight or more of arrived members are wearing chartreuse.

Section III: Article Decisions

Article ideas will be confirmed by the voice vote.

Section IV: The Voice Vote

The voice has only one vote and is the sole voter. Investigation into the voice is strongly discouraged.

 

We hope you have enjoyed your perusal of the B&S’s most sacred document. Praise Lugh!