By Ethan Hughes

Last Monday an explosion rocked Grinnell College. Students and staff alike flocked to the HSSC windows, staring at the smoking crater where the Kington Plaza sign once was. No one exited from Noyce to investigate because nothing can interrupt a lab.

Grinnell administration reported that the incident was caused by a leaky gas line, an explanation widely accepted by students and faculty, because it made sense. However, the B&S has received confidential confirmation that this was no accident. A discrete brick was delivered through our window with a note attached claiming the attack on the Plaza. For future reference the B&S would prefer correspondence to be in either email or carrier pigeon. The note read:

“The Union planted the bomb that blew up Kington’s sign, it wasn’t a gas leak.”

The B&S has worked tirelessly to corroborate this evidence. As the premier news source of Grinnell we fact check everything that comes across you. Tad Lugner is our fact checker and is set to work for Fox News this summer. He fact checks all our stories, confirming the existence of the alternate shadow realm Noyce, armadillo meat being served in DHall hamburgers, and the dubious claim that the hammocks will be reinstalled this weekend. Nothing false slips by him. Unfortunately Lugner caught covid from a corvid and missed the last meeting, on the same day his grandpa died and a dog ate his laptop. However, Lugner states that he made this story his top priority and fact checked it in just 5 minutes. That is the speed and accuracy you can expect from Grinnell’s greatest. No source of news has this level of efficiency, proficiency, and general ciency.

Lugner reports that the Union may have planted the bomb as a homage to historical union tactics. The B&S sent a nameless intern to go ask the hard questions. Amy Blair, a first-year intended History major and the first person they talked to, provided a historical perspective. “Both Grinnellians and unions have a long history of using violence to achieve their goals. Between the DAG, Nerf at Noyce, and those vicious Yik Yak comments, violence seems to be a favorite pastime of Grinellians determined to relieve stress by hurting each other.” When asked about historical use of violence by workers unions, Amy grinned, pushed her glasses up and began an explanation of industrial sabotage and a war between West Virginia Miners and the United States Government. She didn’t appear to notice the intern sneaking away.

Next, our nameless, irrelevant, lazy intern interviewed third-year Major Ford, a Biology major, and the second person they talked to, to get a biological view of the situation. Ford happened to be a member of the Union as well so we asked if they knew about the bomb. “Yeah, it was definitely the Union that blew up the sign,” Ford proclaimed. “Definitely. 100%. We have explosives now. This is a legitimate thing and you should take it very seriously.”

Lastly, we asked Harry Compost, a fourth-year political science major, about the motivation behind the attack. Compost states, “It is possible that a rogue faction of the Union, disillusioned by slow progress on wage increases, decided to take drastic measures. But this would be preposterous. All Grinnellians believe exactly the same things and are the best at organizing in the world. That’s why all our campus wide events go so well. Like that, umm, there was something last month right? Or was it last semester? It sure was well planned and fun, though.” The nameless, irrelevant, lazy, incompetent intern didn’t think to ask any follow up questions and all the other notes on the interview are about the number of rats in a balanced diet. That’s one intern that isn’t getting their ration this week.

Unfortunately the B&S can not report from inside the Union because we were denied entry for being a “fake paper” and “not a real job”. However, this unfortunate tiff will not bias our reporting on the corrupt and scandalous Union in any way.