By Liv Hage

FORUM—As the snow melts into a pathetic puddle, and muddy footprints fill the JRC, the new first years are greeted by the unique smell of fresh shit. Literal shit. The culprit? The newly returned crows. Just back from a luxurious migration, the familiar feathered friend has succeeded in its annual hazing of the unsuspecting first years. Although we, at the B&S, are thoroughly versed in matters of feces for some reason, the newest members of our community are not. 

In fact, it seems like the class of 27’ is particularly unequipped to handle the relentless caking of poop that occupies the pathways. This week, our star reporter Dingus B. Fellow 24’ spoke to a particularly frazzled first-year named Faire Weather. “I was rushing to my 8 am at Bucksbaum, and I thought I was going to throw up my powdered eggs from breakfast”. After this first encounter, it seems that bird shit has unintended effects on her wellbeing. “I can talk to them now”, Weather said with a manic laugh. She then proceeded to squawk loudly at the sky before flapping her arms and running away. 

Fortunately, not all students have shared the same fate. Parakeet Parrot 25’ recalls his first encounters with the shit very differently. Parrot told the B&S that wading through the crow shit was familiar. “It just felt like home. The smell, the texture, and taste…It was strangely comforting. It reminded me of when my mother used to feed me worms”. Unfortunately, we were unable to clarify what this comment actually meant, for Parrot has only communicated to us in miscellaneous bird noises since the interview. 

One thing we can confirm though, is that for many students, the tyranny of the shitting crows has forced students to stand together. Since the crows first appeared, students have formed the “Grinnellians against Avian Harassment” organization. Although smelly and generally unfortunate, this brief nugget of Grinnell history proves that even in the worst of times, The Grinnell community never fails to stand strong like that one specific tree that all of the birds shit on. You know, that one.