By Chris Cardenas

JRC- In a move that surely had the entire student body stunned, the administration announced a bold new direction for the controversial Student Publications & Radio Committee (SPARC) budget. Apparently, the days of paper cuts are over, because according to those in the know, the B&S is about to be cruising the streets of Grinnell in style. In a $90,000 Tesla Cybertruck, that is.

Sure, some might scoff.  Isn’t that the truck that looks like it was designed by a liberal arts engineering major with a serious case of “the Mondays?” And what exactly does a giant electric truck have to do with student journalism?  Well, according to a very official-sounding source (who may or may not have been affiliated with our ), the Cybertruck represents the future of media. Apparently, students will be ditching the printing press for the Cybertruck’s self-driving capabilities, filming interviews from the truck bed, and live-tweeting investigative reports while dodging rogue shopping carts in the Walmart parking lot.

“We envision a future where breaking news is delivered straight to your phone, via a live feed from the back of a Cybertruck,” explained one administrator. “Students will be like nomadic journalists, roaming the town and and and…well, you get the idea!”

When pressed about the whole “printing press” issue, the administrator simply shrugged and muttered something about “sustainability” and “the weekend” (even though it was only Tuesday).  So, it looks like those papers and magazines will be a thing of the past.  But fear not, lovers of the printed word!  Grinnell College has a solution for you too!  Just like Martin Luther himself, students will now be required to print their publications on a variety of non-traditional surfaces.  Envision our theses nailed to the door of Main, messages scrawled on the moon in giant laser beams, or maybe even good old-fashioned ancient scrolls.

“We’re all about fostering creativity here at Grinnell,” Anne Harris chirped, her smile a touch too wide to be entirely genuine, or even human…perchance.  “Who needs paper when you have the vast expanse of the cosmos as your printing press?”

One can only imagine the editorial meetings at the Grinnell Review.  “Alright team, so this week’s issue is going up on the moon.  Just remember, brevity is key! Lunar real estate is at a premium these days.”