By Liv Hage

Bucksbaum: 

April 12, 2024

As the annual Bachelor of Arts exhibition known as ‘BAX’ approaches, a herd of miscellaneous  art majors race to finish and install their pieces. While traditionally, students compete for prizes such as ‘Best in Show’, this year the juror has introduced a few new categories such as “Most Deranged”, “What the actual Fuck”, and “Why…just WHY”. These prizes may seem strange, but they were in fact created specifically for the unique body of work that will be featured in the show.

 In an interview with the B&S, museum director Billy Beans Burger commented, “This is by far the most unhinged lineup we’ve had, I haven’t seen anything like this since the vulture corpse installation in 1988”. Beans Burger is not overreacting. After being granted a private tour of the exhibition, our arts reporter Luella Peregrine 25’  went insane. Since the tour, she has locked herself in her dorm and only communicates if she receives a bag of Harvest Cheddar Sunchips. 

Completely willing to risk the mental sanity of our staff, the B&S arranged for our backup arts reporter Mr. Fluffer Duffer 24” to review the exhibit. Fortunately, Mr. Fluffer is mentally unstable enough not to be affected by the disturbing content of the show, so he returned (mostly) intact. 

According to Fluffer, the highlight of the show was the “foot shrine” assembled by junior art major Allistair Benjamin. Allistair’s roommate Tortilla Mc. Zoom 25” stated, “It’s like a performance, right, and so Alistair just lives inside of the foot shrine”. “It’s gotten so annoying, I literally have to go into the museum everyday to bring him food”. Per Allistair’s artist statement, his ultimate goal for creating the piece was to “become the foot god” (?). The B&S sought no further comment on this statement. 

Another notable piece was first year Oliver Benedick’s “Untitled”. “Everytime I cried over my Spanish homework, I collected some of my tears,” Benendick says with an empty gaze. He now has a small bathtub of his “sad water” that is displayed in the center of the museum. When asked about what was so hard about his Spanish class, he pulled out a 32oz water bottle and started sobbing. Unfortunately, our reporter was not able to discern what he was saying between his mournful cries. Although Benedick’s piece is academically inspired, participants have drawn from all aspects of life to create their work. 

Students like Barnaby Daniels 26” drew inspiration from the dining hall, crafting striking lewd sculptures out of black bean Vegandillas. The life size sculptures, rendered with disturbing accuracy, occupy the space towards the back of the museum. When asked about her motivations for creating such provocative sculptures via text, Daniels responded: 

   -I just thought it would be funny lol

                    sent 12:47am

She provided no further comment on the matter. In Mr. Fluffy Duffy’s opinion, Daniels is a strong contender for another recently added category, “Most Unreasonably Horny”, whereas the self proclaimed “foot god” Allistair Benjamin is most likely to win any and all rewards from “Most Deranged” to “What the actual Fuck”. Providing a final comment on the show’s content, museum director Beans Burger stated, “We want to encourage students to explore their creativity through pushing the limits of their imagination. I just didn’t think that this exhibition would be this fucked up. Please send help, we need new art majors”. The BAX opening will be held from 4-6PM in the subterranean art museum under Bucksbaum, Tuesday, 25:01 military time