By Catherine Terelak

Grinnell College, the thirteenth-best liberal arts college in the country, is known for its academic rigor. In general, its students are smart, capable, hardworking, and always willing to meet intellectual challenges with curiosity and determination. But what about those who don’t possess those qualities and are still working on object permanence? 

An increasing number of rising second-and third-year students are taking advantage of an exciting new program that allows Grinnell College students to study off-campus at the Grinnell Experimental Preschool, where they can spend a full year developing their fine and gross motor skills, exploring big feelings, doing craft projects, and taking naps. 

At OCS-Grinnell Experimental Preschool, students can continue student employment as Snack Helpers, Line Leaders, and Cabooses. Currently paid a paltry wage of hugs, gold stars, and kind words, Preschool workers are in talks with UGSDW to join the organization. Domrad Cahn, Union Co-President, said, “They want more snacks and a longer naptime, and I think we can make that happen by the end of Circle Time.”  

One student in the program, whose identity is protected because of her decision to live as a minor, commented, “Keeping my cubby clean has been a struggle, but I’m wearing my nametag every day and sitting still during Story Time. This summer, I’m hoping to get an internship playing House or School. I’ve also received an offer from Sandbox.”  

In other news, a group of precocious local four-year-olds sick of being observed through the two-way mirror by Intro. Psych. students have decided to transfer from the Grinnell Experimental preschool to Grinnell College, where they have begun cataloging the college students’ play behaviors on High Street. A preschooler working under the alias Pre-K Piaget has noticed a startling preponderance of Solitary Reticent behavior among guys who bring a flask to the party and show up in a large leather jacket. 

“They are poor sharers,” says Pre-K Piaget, “and their only Group Associative activity is smoking and drinking in a circle among themselves. It’s my assessment that these bad actors could benefit from a Consequence or a long trip to the Silent Corner.”