By Elke Calhoun

Every morning, Grinnellians arise to fight a new dawn, a new day, and a new bewildering email from the Registrar. This semester, due to an inordinately confusing system and an inherently fucked requirement expectation for many majors, over 99.34% of the Grinnell student body was unable to get into the needed courses to graduate. As a result, the faculty has worked with the Registrar to offer one new course in every department designed to fulfill any needed requirement. As illustrious and well-renowned members of the fourth estate, the B&S was granted exclusive access to these new course descriptions. We have taken it upon ourselves to produce a review of our highly anticipated courses for our dear, forlorn, unaccredited readers. 

For all our eager little socialites lacking a Sociology requirement, we would recommend SOC-333: The Rise of Freaks. Taught by Professor Uwu, SOC-333 delves into the particular crop of freaks produced by adolescence during the tumultuous years of the early 2010s. Prof Uwu has conducted extensive research on specific environmental factors of the era and cites Tumblr, Hamilton, Glee, and Trisha Paytas as the source of the appalling social behaviors we witness today. 

“This new specimen of freak does not fuck around,” Professor Uwu warns, picking out a wedgie from her galaxy print leggings. “I’m still psychologically damaged from the Dance Moms Insta War of ‘14.” 

Next on our list, we are obsessed with this GWSS class! Professor Dom N. Atrix will be teaching GWS-696: Social Control through Kink Shaming. Over the course of the semester, Professor Atrix will comprehensively demonstrate the epic highs and lows of BDSM. Required materials include handcuffs, blindfolds, and an open mind! Students will be provided with a full-body latex suit for the final project. However, leather or vegan leather suits will also be offered as an accessibility option in case of latex allergies. We requested a statement from Prof Atrix, but in an ultimate power move, she simply stared us down until we stripped off our clothes and ran away, naked and ashamed. 

Our final glowing recommendation goes to the history department for HIS-600: Difficult Women Through the Ages. This course is instructed by a visiting faculty member, Professor Andrew Tate. While his credentials are iffy, and we are still uncertain if he has any sort of degree, Professor Tate sure has a lot to say! His course will cover the bitches, witches, and cunts of world history, and not in an empowering way. 

“Women suck, historically and biologically,” comments Professor Tate. “Take Marie Curie, for example: who did she think she was, reading and writing and shit?” 

We tried to get more specifics on the course from Professor Tate, but unfortunately, after speaking to the man for more than 15 minutes, our reporters began to feel strong compulsions to smash his head through a wall. 

While we provided you with the highlights of these newly available courses, don’t forget to check them out for yourselves. You may feel drawn to BIO-333: Lesbian Sperm Donors, or perhaps the more artsy among you may enjoy ART-243: The Craft of Brony Fanart.  We’d like to thank our incredibly creative faculty for designing such visionary courses for all walks of life. Get registered, Grinnellians!