By Josh Payong

The following is the reply to the other email posted in this week’s edition. Once again, no consent was obtained, but it is what it is.

Dear ****,

I have made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment. I had judged that the B&S would be a safe space in which I would be able to write and share my ideas. I was wrong.

I am sick and tired of having to put up with this toxic work environment. Every time we meet, you mention “that fucking smell,” when we all know that whoever smelt it dealt it. You’re hypocritical, fraudulent, and horrible in bed. I know you’re telling me all this stupid mean shit because you’re jealous that Ramaswamy took a selfie with me but not you. You’re jealous that I got into BIO-150 in my first year but you have to retake FYE (for the second time, I might add). You’re jealous that your wife thought my frisbee skills were leagues more attractive than your ability to quote Shakespeare (which we all know is because you cling onto the fact that ENG-121 was the only class you passed). She says hi, btw.

And the rest of the B&S? I’ve got issues with them, too. To accept and believe you and your wrongful accusations is against the Grinnellian spirit and the critical thinking skills we cultivate during our time here. Oh, and I’m not gonna forget the fact that our publication is literally a cult. Soaking our first physical copy in the blood of Anne Harris every other week to ensure its success? Arranging orgies where you can’t climax until you’ve recited the entire Bee Movie script? Dealings with the Mole People to obtain “high-quality chewable clay”? Y’all aren’t even trying to be subtle.

The human sacrifices, I can put up with. Your jealousy, I can learn to work around. But this unhealthy work culture is something I refuse to be associated with.

Goodbye forever,