While monitoring the app known as “YikYak,” the B&S has realized the alarming degree to which the student body is unable to express their feelings to their peers. After this startling revelation, B&S staff have magnanimously decided to take on the role of matchmaker. This duty is taken only slightly more seriously than the noble responsibilities of our student journalists, factfinders, and muckrakers. Printed below are a selection of anonymous student confessions; please write in if you think you might be the object of one of these secret admirers’ affections. 

HSSC Atrium– So, here’s the thing: I see you every MWF (at the tables whose tops shake back and forth whenever you write on them), but at this point it would probably be weird for me to introduce myself. So, I guess I’ll just keep seeing you there until one of us graduates, or dies.  

Takeout Container Line – The world seemed to stop when I saw you for the first time. But that’s probably because it (and the line) sure did when the Cheery Checker realized that you somehow had 5 containers checked out under your name.  

Fitness Center – Nothing more badass than dry scooping your preworkout at 6:15 in the morning. Let me know if you ever need a spotter? 

Laundry room – You took my stuff out of the washer and left it on the floor?! My timer had literally just gone off, and I came down to find my clothes way too close to the mysterious puddle that always seems to form in the center of the room.  

I spy an incoming enemies-to-lovers arc. What if there was only one washing machine…and we just had to share…

Bucksbaum practice rooms –The dulcet tones of what I think was “Puff the Magic Dragon” certainly brightened my afternoon. Shoutout to this mystery serenader, whoever you are.  

Mac Field – Wow. You wield that foam sword with such. . . vigor. Would you be Lancelot to my Guinevere? 

Commencement Stage – We danced to Juan Waters under the October moonlight. Though the mood was sort of killed by the group round of the “enjoy the fruit” song, I certainly had fun.  

Math Lab – You very competently and patiently brought me back from the brink of insanity when I totally blanked on how to use the chain rule. Unfortunately, I’m now so humiliated that I’ve embraced Noyce’s maze-like interior to avoid ever passing the room again. Maybe we’re just a rational function, two people set on infinitely opposite trajectories, an invisible asymptote between us.  

Second Mile – We reached for the same burgundy knit sweater, and you let me take it. Many thanks to the dead grandpa who facilitated our meeting.  

The Grill – You: on your second round of mozz sticks. Me: lurking in the flag gallery. Share a flatbread with me sometime?  

Comparative Herbalism – Love could be brewing! (Although I wouldn’t know, I’m still number 84 on the class waiting list).  

Windsor House (Windsor Home) – With my nose pressed up against the window, I’ve tested positive for a crush. Want to meet up in 5 to 10 days?  

JRC – I hit you with the greatest pickup line in the first-year arsenal: “So, what tutorial are you in?” but we didn’t seem to hit it off. Can we give it another shot? 

Dhall – You eat upstairs, I eat downstairs. A story of star-crossed lovers, destined to forever make awkward eye contact as you descend with your dishes. 

HSSC N1111 – Yes, we were in Soc 242 together all semester. No, I don’t know your name. Yes, I would love to go out with you sometime.  

A Cornfield, A Mile or so Out of Town – I went out for a run without my glasses and didn’t get the best look, so hopefully you will end up reading this. You’re pretty tall, were wearing a floppy hat and had your arms extended out to the side. Would love to reconnect with you!