By Astrid Utting

Editor’s note: format shamelessly stolen from the sage advice account,  @greatadviceforshittypeople, which is exactly what a shitty Grinnellian would do

Grinnell prides itself on self-gov, our sacred belief that students can govern themselves. Unfortunately, some Grinnellians take these liberties too far. In the vein of self-gov, the B&S presents the following great advice for shitty Grinnellians:

Reserve a HSSC room with a single airpod

Venmo request your classmate after they borrow a pencil

Email Loose grilled cheese feedback on their cooking. CC admin. 

When doing a peer review, comment “this is a bold artistic choice” under every other sentence

When someone exits the bathroom stall, whisper “proud of you”

Approach a 4th year walking in the HSSC and offer to help them find their classroom

Start your load of laundry, then leave for study abroad

Hold the door for someone at the opposite end of the loggia

Microwave salmon at 2:00am

Switch class seats halfway through the semester

Comment “oooohhhh” when a guy sits next to a random girl in class

Demand an encore after someone gets a round of applause dropping their tray

When doing a peer review, comment “this is a bold artistic choice” under every grammatical error

Tell someone who holds the door for you that you are actually in a relationship, but you’re flattered

Remind your classmates to go vote! Don’t vote.

Take five of the five burgers left in Dhall, then complain about the food

Mix all the Dhall yogurt flavors together (including dairy-free)

Set off the fire alarm and force everyone out of Gardner and into the South loggia 

Remember, dear reader: if anyone confronts you, say “self-gov” and walk away. Nobody knows what it means anyway…