By Conrad Dahm

JRC- In a move students are applauding as “revolutionary” and “the best decision Grinnell made since not having paper towels in dorm bathrooms,” Grinnell College has officially announced that students will be able to spend Dining Dollars off-campus at all smoke shops.

The move comes after the recent expansion of Dining Dollars being accepted at places such as Prairie Grackle and Dari Shack. Now, students will be able to spend Dining Dollars to purchase a variety of smoking products. The expansion is open to all years of students because owners of the smoke shop say they “don’t care anymore” and “probably won’t card you.” The drinking age remains 21. 

“Students can choose from, at the smoke shop of their choice, multiple different products, such as cigarettes, vapes, Delta 9 edibles (and vapes), and other smoking products,” said Jill Juul, director of the newly formed “Grinnell College Smoking Committee.” Juul hopes that the expansion will allow students to “foster connections” through the avenues of nicotine. 

Reactions amongst the student body have been largely positive so far, with many rejoicing at the expansion. 

“Now I won’t have my parents looking at my credit card asking why I am buying Elf Bars,” said one student who wished to remain anonymous. Other students also expressed similar sentiments. 

One student, Marl Boro ‘25 said about the move “I think it’s great. I mean I can now openly smoke and I can use Dining Dollars. It’s a win-win.”

However, not everyone on campus is happy with the change. The Spencer Grill has reported a 20% loss of sales amongst “dirty chais, mozz sticks, and adobo chicken wraps.” A rift of sorts has been created amongst the administration, with the pro-smoking sect arguing that it helps students destress.

“I mean listen,” said Juul as he blew smoke into our reporter’s face. “The College can’t handle the stress of this school. Do you want us to bring back working differently days? Not assign 200 pages a reading a night? That can’t happen. I think smoking is a great way to destress.”

Other College administrators are not happy and disagree with Juul. “Some people are already insufferable here. The last thing we need is a bunch of 20-year-olds smoking cigars acting like they’re cool. Dining Dollars should not be used for smoking purposes,” said Steve Zyn. 

The B&S reached out to Anne Harris for her opinion on the subject and received a letter with the nerd emoji printed on it. We at the B&S cannot decipher this message but decided that we should not push her further for fear of losing funding. 

A new rule has also been added for all publications that “SPARC employees must smoke cigarettes and act like they are in a 1950s detective novel.” The B&S will keep the campus community updated but must end the story for now as we must buy more cigarettes.