Grinnell's Bastion of Journalistic Integrity

Academic Advising Implements “The Button” as Alternative Advisor Selection Program

By Jude Morgan

HSSC 3rd FLOOR ATRIUM TABLE – As the second semester enters its 6th week, Academic Advising is once again faced with the sudden horror of students declaring at the last minute and picking their major advisor. In an effort to ease the pressure on the overwhelmed professors who have somehow managed to maintain above a 4 on Rate My Professor, Advising has looked to the student body for a solution. Taking inspiration from the recent Valentine’s Day dating game show “The Button”, they have elected to implement a similar game that flawlessly matches students with their ideal advisor. 

As a preliminary measure to ensure that candidates were matched with the perfect advisor, personality surveys were sent out to both parties that required them to describe in detail what they both saw in an ideal relationship. Event staff informed the B&S that very few professor responses were recorded by the date of the program, with the vast majority being received over a week and a half after the initial due date. Despite the initial hiccup, the show progressed smoothly. 

To get an inside look into the effectiveness of the new program, B&S investigative journalist Clutch Powers managed to catch a few students off guard as they exited their rooms, all appearing to exhibit varying degrees of delirium. We were fortunate enough to meet with Jim Milton ‘26, an intended History and Philosophy double major and self-described amateur devil’s advocate. In his own words, he described his experience as “demeaning”. 

“No conversation lasted more than 2 minutes before they pressed the button on me” he stated, in a really whiny voice. “I don’t know if it was the Kierkegaard references or my general lack of empathy but it all felt horribly targeted”. We at the B&S believe it was both. 

Despite such setbacks, the program saw great success for other students. Salvia Palth ‘26, an intended English major and avid slam poetry enthusiast, remarked on how alleviating the meeting was. 

“It took a few rounds to find success, but my final pair was perfect. Our conversation lasted the whole ten minutes, and I swear there wasn’t a stale moment the entire time. It was refreshing to have someone listen to you for that long and really get your passion for literature. In hindsight, I realize they paired me with a raccoon that doesn’t quite understand the concept of the button, but hey I’ll take anything I can get.”  Fact-checkers indicate this is the second time a raccoon has been given administrative power at Grinnell College. 

As for departments that had already implemented automatic advisor selection programs, the new system proved to be a breath of fresh air. For the Economics department, participation amongst intended majors reached an all-time high, unlike Computer Science. It is unknown at this time if they were notified of such changes. It has been 92 days since the last sighting of a comp-sci major outside of Noyce 3rd floor, and we fear that they may be classified as extinct if any contact is not reported soon. We hope the warmer weather will bring them out of torpor, and entice some outside. 

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1 Comment

  1. Secret admirer

    I giggled my jorts off.

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