By Gabby Hernandez

DHALL–-Long Dhall lines, a result of chronic understaffing, have been the bane of student life for months. That will now change, however, as the College has unanimously agreed to pay all Dining hall staff in Dining Dollars in order to recruit more employees. While some Grinnellians oppose this policy, a vast majority support it.

This policy change has been in the works for months and is endorsed by the Grinnell Union of Dining Dollars (GUDD). For readers who are unaware, after a battle in Nerf at Noyce format, GUDD defeated the previously dominant UGSDW, and is now representing the interests of student workers campus-wide. No student witnesses of the battle were willing to come forward with their stories, but sources in the administration assure B&S reporters that the fight was “extremely fair.”

GUDD’s original campaign for wage reform was for a wage increase. However, after an informal poll conducted by the GUDD, it was discovered that students do not actually want the college to pay them competitive wages. According to GUDD’s survey results, 95% of dining workers would rather be paid in Dining Dollars than receive a wage increase.

Students do not actually want the college to pay them competitive wages. According to GUDD’s survey results, 95% of dining workers would rather be paid in Dining Dollars than receive a wage increase.

According to some students, there is a lot to look forward to when your Dining Dollars check cashes every two weeks. The Spencer Grille is the prime (and conveniently, only) location for students to spend their Dining Dollars. 

Many dining workers are happy to be able to afford to eat something other than Dhall food. “I’ll be able to buy a large smoothie every day instead of a small one once a week, or maybe I’ll, like, buy a pizza for the squirrels or something” shares Don Alduck ‘25.

“Before, I was able to buy necessities like toothpaste and notebooks, but now I sustain myself solely on watermelon kombucha. I never knew I could reach this higher plane of existence” says Katya Orbach ‘24.

Needless to say, the College’s new policy has resulted in an uptick in Spencer Grill profits. The college plans to use these profits to purchase a ticket to space from Elon Musk. Admin will have a mud-wrestling competition to determine who gets the ticket, but it will likely just go to whichever board member bribes the referee with the most dining dollars. 

Despite the good it has done for many student dining workers, the College’s policy has inspired petitions, strikes, and violent rampages from dining employees who are not Grinnell students. Their greatest concern with this new policy is their alleged “inability to pay their bills.”

Mable Barks, Dhall supervisor, is among the leaders of the radical anti-dining-dollar movement. She is at a loss about how she will be able to convince her electricity provider, County-Regional Instantaneous Electricity Supplier (CRIES), to accept Dining Dollars as a form of payment.

“I’ve already figured out how to feed my dog brownie cookies and pay for literally everything else, but just can’t with CRIES. I’d rather they just pay the kids more real money,” says Bark.

We reached out to the College for commentary on their new policy, but they said they had indigestion and could not make it to our scheduled interview.

As a result of the new Dining Dollars policy, student employment in Dhall has been on the rise. All possible shifts have been filled by student workers, even after additional shifts were added to the schedule to accommodate the influx of student workers.

Because of the College’s policy, Dhall lines are quite literally non-existent. Most students would rather work for a wage made up for Dining Dollars than eat. In addition to this, all of the food stations Dhall has available are now open, and leadership is considering adding a self-serve seafood bar. The Dish Room has enough employees to clear empty plates from the tables as soon as students are finished with them, hand wash them in the Dish Room, and return them to their original positions in under 80 seconds.

“As far as I know, nothing could have made dining workers any happier,” concluded Alduck.