By Josh Payong

GARDNER LOUNGE – In response to popular demand, Grinnell’s SGA finally pooled together the necessary $126.22 to invite the first visiting band of this year to play for the students: Crawling Charleston. 

The alternative indie postmodern garage-pop funkster heavy grunge new folk psychobilly band first rose to prominence in 2021 with the release of their hit album, “I’m so sad, I’m so very very sad”. This album, which topped the charts for a whole 3 minutes, includes some incredibly highly acclaimed tracks, such as: “So Sad”, “I Hit a Newborn with My 1967 Volkswagen Microbus and my Divorce is Messy, but That’s Okay”, and “Scorpio”. 

“You guys have probably never heard of them, they’re pretty…underground.” Hardcore Crawling Charleston fan Starr Buck ‘24 posited, sipping lukewarm off-season pumpkin spice latte from their Stanley cup. “Everyone else here probably listens to Ye or Travis Scott. They don’t know real music. I do.” Buck then proceeded to flip off our interviewer and ask everyone else at Gardner if they liked the music and, if they did, to name five more indie rock bands with less than 3000 monthly listeners on Spotify to prove it.

Three Grinnellians passed out from excitement during the sound check. Two more passed out during the latter segment of the show. Seven others were trampled in the mosh pit during the quiet verse of a song played at a somber 44 bpm. Seventeen blacked out from pregaming too hard before the concert.

“I have a Crawling Charleston shrine in my room – posters, handmade clay figures of each band member, Crawling Charleston-scented candles, all the works,” says Taye Lursuif’d ‘26 (one of the three who passed out) “and since I live in a forced triple, I sleep on the floor. The shrine takes priority. And when they came out for a sound check, I…it was like seeing God.” Having remembered the euphoric experience, Lursuif’d’s bladder failed her mid-interview. Thankfully, she was wearing her Crawling Charleston diapers, of which she had bought the entire stock from the band’s merch website.

Reception to the concert, however, was not all sunshine and rainbows and raving about Nirvana-esque ballads whose lyrics pertain to personal issues that could all be solved with a little therapy. Some attendees, like 100 gecs fanatic Aydie Heichdee ‘27, complained about the “lack of trap bass and incomprehensible adlibs,” which led to “songs that couldn’t hold [her] attention for more than a few seconds”. Some of her like-minded peers – most of which come from the freshman demographic – were seen listening to “Family Guy Best Moments #471” in one earphone throughout the entirety of the performance. Our journalists found this taste in “music” very strange, but are willing to learn and accommodate the youth.

It would be remiss to report on the concert without mentioning the student band that opened for Crawling Charleston: Northeast of Newton. Only one student passed out during their performance (circulation to their brain had stopped from standing too long), but they were well-received nonetheless.

Compared to the usual drunken nights, SGA considered this concert very much a success and looks forward to inviting the next underground indie band next month – Beezer.