By Conrad Dahm

HIGH STREET—The smell of cheap beer, old cigarettes, and urine fills the air. The lawn is decorated with empty cans of Old Milwaukee, Natural Light, and Twisted Tea. The living room has one old couch, a beer-die table, and a stolen chair from outside the HSSC. The floors creak with every step and the one bathroom is full of Axe 8-in-1 Soap. Welcome to 42069 High Street, or as the tenants call it, “the bastion of self-gov.” Or, as the landlord calls it, “420 Hell Street.”

In true journalistic fashion, the B&S would like to introduce a completely new and original story: Cribz! First on the list is none other than 42069 High Street, a place familiar with many Grinnellians who like to responsibly spend their Friday nights drinking shitty alcohol. 

For the 2023-2024 school year, 420 High has 8 residents. A mixture of third and fourth years are the primary residents, except for the one first-year who somehow lives off campus. The B&S decided to sit down and talk with some of the residents to get their perspective on living off-campus.

“Ok, so I’m not actually a first-year,” said Joe Harris ‘27. “Let’s just say FYE is hard when your Professor hates you.”

The other residents didn’t seem to mind. “I love Joe”, said Lee Smith ‘24. “He started attending Grinnell back in 2016, so he knows how they used to party back then. You know, back in 2016. It was amazing back then,” Smith moaned.

The B&S then tried to turn the conversation back to the topic of the house. ‘I fucking love it,” said Smith. “I mean, sure, there are some problems, but it beats my living situation last year. I had a forced double in the Norris Pit.”

“My favorite part is the lawn,” continued Smith. “I get to sit outside and look at the street. It’s like cosplaying home ownership. I’ve contented myself with the fact that I’ll never own a house. Or pay off my debt.” Smith continued with his blah blah blah, liberal woke socialist propaganda that we’re not interested in. We’re interested in the house. Not the future we as liberal arts students face.

“The floor is kinda broken. Last week at a party it kinda collapsed. We don’t have a kitchen anymore. It’s more just an open pit that goes down a few hundred feet. Do we think there are mole people living in it? I’m not fully sure.”

The B&S inquired into the situation regarding parties off campus and got a resounding response.

“Everyone talks about self-gov and complains there’s nothing to do, yet you trash our house! Now we have a pit to hell in our kitchen. We like to host. I mean, look at the yard! It’s full of beer cans. Yet we can’t host, if the 9th circle of hell is found on High Street. Respect off-campus houses.” 

The B&S adds that we strongly agree with this message.