By Liv Hage
FORUM—As the snow melts into a pathetic puddle, and muddy footprints fill the JRC, the new first years are greeted by the unique smell of fresh shit. Literal shit. The culprit? The newly returned crows. Just back from a luxurious migration, the familiar feathered friend has succeeded in its annual hazing of the unsuspecting first years. Although we, at the B&S, are thoroughly versed in matters of feces for some reason, the newest members of our community are not.
By Do Not Publish My Name
NOYCE BASEMENT COMPUTER LAB — Just in time for Valentine’s Day, OnlyFans has released a Grinnell-friendly update: GronlyFans.
GronlyFans works on the same basic model as OnlyFans. But now, Grinnellians won’t have to slog through pages and pages of normal amateur porn to find what they really want. This week, GronlyFans is soft-launching three corporate content creators that will be sure to shuck your corn.
By Josh Payong
8th AVENUE – As a result of the arctic blast that ravaged Grinnell a few days before the start of the spring semester, hills and mounds of snow caked upon campus grounds piqued the interest of José S. Cruz ‘27. He was ecstatic for the opportunity to do all the things he’d heard about on the Grinnell Instagram page: have snowball fights, make snow angels, fuck some snowmen, have snowball fights while fucking snowmen in a field littered with snow angels…Luckily for him, there was a massive grey pile of frosty goodness right outside the JRC, of what he presumed to be of the A&W Cream Soda Jelly Bean variety, from which Cruz took a little nibble.
DES MOINES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT — Although classes have already been in session for weeks, students across campus are still haunted by the memory of flying into the Des Moines airport on their return from winter break; arriving hours early to get through the TSA on time, only to be forced to stand in line again because they forgot they had a tube of toothpaste in their carry-on and because they did not take iPad out of their bag quick enough. They are the lucky ones, for whom that experience was merely a sour note on an otherwise joyful return to the loving embrace of Grinnell.
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