By Liv Hage

BUCKSBAUM—new traces of the Demon Cat were found in the Bucksbaum basement, leading “Thine Sillye Ghoest Teame” (est. 1657) to once again attempt to hunt down the creature. Last time, our lead investigator Williame Butter 24’ was left psychologically damaged after an incident with the beast, prompting him to flee to Burling Fourth. In order to avenge our dear colleague, we launched ourselves into the throes of passionate research to uncover the truth. 

However, our investigations quickly uncovered a new lead when we received a call from a frantic first-year student, Sally Salmonella ’27, complaining about a disturbing sighting in the Bucksbaum ceramics studio. 

“I walked in on this weird-ass cat thing shoveling clay into its mouth,” Salmonella recounted. “It kinda looked like my tutorial prof in a satanic fur-suit.”

Of course, as Grinnell’s Bastion of Journalistic Integrity, it is our job to get to the bottom of this. In order to probe further, we sent our third-best paranormal expert, Huckleberry Hamtwist ’25, to uncover the truth behind this incident. 

Following the last sighting of the creature, Hamtwist ventured into the bowels of the Bucksbaum basement. Hamtwist first investigated the music practice rooms, for the art studios were currently occupied by pretentious Studio Art majors discussing conceptual art theory and making lewd sculptures out of D-Hall black bean burgers. Undeterred, Hamtwist continued into the basement, where a faint meow-turned-scream echoed (which may have been a mere violin lesson). Armed with a medieval manuscript on witches and a military grade spatula from D-Hall, Hamtwist delved into the unknown. 

Wandering through the circuitous maze of practice rooms, haunting honks reminiscent of untuned and rusty clarinets reverberated through the narrow and bile colored halls. Hamtwist shuddered as he felt the air grow colder. Turning around the corner, he came face to face with the deathly image of a cat/goat creature with the visage of Mitch Mconnell wearing a kawaii gaming headset. Mr. Hamtwist attempted to smack the creature with his weaponized spatula, but the demon teleported further down the hallway. It then coughed up a fiery hairball. 

While the creature was distracted, Hamtwist managed to escape the basement by conjuring a magical flying paintbrush and flying out of Bucksbaum. Unfortunately, he and his bird violently crashed into a tree just as they exited the building. As Hamtwist lay dazed on his back, reevaluating his life choices, he was dragged to the safety of Burling by the few mentally intact members of “Thine Sillye Ghost Teame.” Unfortunately, Mr. Hamtwist has not spoken since the incident, and in a sign of imminent death, has refused to eat anything but the Roller Grill egg tornadoes. His body will be donated to the Grinnell Biology department for study. 

Although our dear third-best paranormal investigator is no longer available, we were able to piece some of Hamtwist’s notes together. Apparently, he hypothesized that the creature was a lich summoned by the administration to feed on the souls of despairing students in order to fund the new civic center in town. The B&S will continue to untangle this matter, doing whatever it takes to unearth the paranormal origins of this creature. Additionally, applications for “Thine Sillye Ghost Teame” are now open! Please apply, we only have two members left (including our mascot/resident demon Mr. Wubby). Until then, stay safe.