By Maya Comer

Halloween is soon approaching! With the exquisite Grinnellian costume suggestions in our costume guide, you can impress your crush, mog your academic rival, and maybe even become the poster child for Gogue. Let’s dig in.

Football Player – only acceptable if you play baseball or maybe men’s soccer. Otherwise, their culture is not your costume.

O-Chem Exam the Week after Fall Break – this is great if you’re looking for a spooky costume. Cover yourself with Lewis Structures and you’re sure to leave the pre-meds shaking with fright.

Sexy S&B Op-Ed – wowwwww so niche! Prepare to be shouting all weekend to explain your costume to everyone.

El Cascabel Tortilla Chip – bland but inexplicably beloved, just like you (probably) (*wink*).

“I Hate Gay Halloween What Do You Mean You’re…” Meme Format – I hate gay Halloween.

The Noycement – you’ll definitely win spookiest costume with this one. Now maybe people will get lost… in your eyes.

10/7 Natatorium “Fire” – great opportunity to practice your smoky eye look (see what I did there?!).

Batman – they’re letting too many normal people into Grinnell these days. It’s losing its character. Bring back Lyle’s and on-campus 10/10. And fuck you, normies dressed as Batman.

Voter Registration Lunchtime Tabling Person – you’ll beat the Noycement for spookiest costume in a surprise upset.

Karl Marx – someone wants to get laid sooooooo badly.

Your Favorite Professor – definitely not beating the romance allegations with that one.

Your Least Favorite Professor – bold. Edgy. I like your confidence. It’s… sexy. Oh fuck oh no.

The Lorax – veeeery original. We already have a campus Lorax. Do some homework and read the news.

Russian House Limo – with this costume, you’ll provide the most definitive evidence to date that you’re compensating for something.

Hammock Underneath Vulture Trees – this costume was not on purpose. You just walked on the wrong sidewalk during shit o’clock.