Grinnell's Bastion of Journalistic Integrity

Month: March 2023

GOGUE Partners with Grinnell Police Department to Spice-Up Mugshots 

By: Kylie Klassen

My gorgeous, gorgeous Grinnellians! Have you ever looked at a mugshot and thought: “that criminal could really use some sunnies” or “for God’s sakes get that man a fucking feather boa!”? If you’re like most people in the world, you’ve probably thought one or the other. And you’re in luck, because in Gogue’s latest email, they revealed that this semester, they will be using the entirety of their budget to help those arrested “slay in the slammer.”

Gogue has certainly been on top of their events since they became a student organization. With themes ranging from the decades, to monochrome and beach themes, Gogue has done it all. It is unsurprising that the club are now taking to the streets to generously spread their passion for fashion to the townies of Grinnell. 

So what does this entail exactly? Never fear, Grinnell: I am on the case. I did what any sane, logical, and completely extra real journalisty person would do: I harnessed my fashionable side in order to infiltrate a Gogue club meeting and get the scoop, just for you. I put on my fanciest pantiest pants and my sparkly pink cowboy hat and managed to walk in unquestioned. And what I heard, well, let’s just say things will be getting stylish down at Grinnell’s Police Department. Based on what I could understand from the meeting, I had to read between the ‘slays,’ it seems as though Gogue’s first move is to transform the classic mug shot into a full-body photo. This new shot will be complete with directors shouting different poses at their super extra happy ‘models’ in front of the camera. When asked about this new system of taking photos, Mr. PoliceOfficerMan said, “The real crime is some of the outfits that these people get arrested in. Don’t they know they should be ready for their close up?” 

Special Room Draw: Norris Pit

By: Catherine Terelak

So you’re living in Norris Pit next semester. Let’s fucking gooooo! 

My name is Robby and I’ll be your CA. I’d like to introduce you to my associates, Max and Axl. We’re from different suburbs of Chicago that all begin with the word ‘oak.’ 

The first thing you should know about Norris Pit is that it’s one of Grinnell’s few male-only floors. That means we kick it guy-style, all day long. You know the drill. Keep those toilet seats up. We don’t recycle because let’s be real, that shit is girly. And we don’t take out the trash, we just burn it in the furnace. FM stopped coming years ago, and that’s the way we like it. Staying clean is for pussies. Real men fester in their own filth. 

Max has a microwave and a toaster oven, but you should probably find a woman to operate those small kitchen appliances for you. Ditto with the washer and the dryer. You’ve got better, more important things to occupy yourself with, like looking at images of luxury cars and following the sports teams of the place where you’re from. No—Shut up. I wasn’t asking where you’re from. What are we, girls? Don’t tell me anything about yourself. I don’t want to know because I don’t care. 

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