By: Kylie Klassen

My gorgeous, gorgeous Grinnellians! Have you ever looked at a mugshot and thought: “that criminal could really use some sunnies” or “for God’s sakes get that man a fucking feather boa!”? If you’re like most people in the world, you’ve probably thought one or the other. And you’re in luck, because in Gogue’s latest email, they revealed that this semester, they will be using the entirety of their budget to help those arrested “slay in the slammer.”

Gogue has certainly been on top of their events since they became a student organization. With themes ranging from the decades, to monochrome and beach themes, Gogue has done it all. It is unsurprising that the club are now taking to the streets to generously spread their passion for fashion to the townies of Grinnell. 

So what does this entail exactly? Never fear, Grinnell: I am on the case. I did what any sane, logical, and completely extra real journalisty person would do: I harnessed my fashionable side in order to infiltrate a Gogue club meeting and get the scoop, just for you. I put on my fanciest pantiest pants and my sparkly pink cowboy hat and managed to walk in unquestioned. And what I heard, well, let’s just say things will be getting stylish down at Grinnell’s Police Department. Based on what I could understand from the meeting, I had to read between the ‘slays,’ it seems as though Gogue’s first move is to transform the classic mug shot into a full-body photo. This new shot will be complete with directors shouting different poses at their super extra happy ‘models’ in front of the camera. When asked about this new system of taking photos, Mr. PoliceOfficerMan said, “The real crime is some of the outfits that these people get arrested in. Don’t they know they should be ready for their close up?” 

There are alternatives, of course, if someone who’s arrested doesn’t want this generously special treatment. Gogue has already installed a do-it-yourself photo booth as another option for people who are being booked. The provided props add just the right amount of pizazz their prison experience calls for. When asked about next steps, a Gogue representative said, “We have to do something about those outfits [referring to orange jumpsuits worn by inmates].”

Toe Crack Jr. ‘26, a member of Gogue, said, “Gogue is seeking volunteers to help with these photoshoots and join our squad of what we are calling The Fashion Police!” Email realemailforsure@grinnell.edu to join their crew. And don’t worry, we asked for you: this will count as community service. 

After reading Gogue’s email announcing the new partnership, Grinnell students are now concerned; will the fashion police take it too far? Word on the street is there is a warrant out for Dale’s arrest that has nothing to do with his winter-wear or flip-floppage. But, will it end here? How far will Gogue go? And who will they come for next? My advice: stay stylish. XOXO.