By Sophia Levitas-Goren
I may side-eye you when you go to the kosher section on any other day — you don’t want to wait in line at plat, I get it. But this night, rather this week, is different from all other nights and all other weeks. These eight days I am requesting that all of you non-jews go eat at literally any other section. Let’s be fucking for real, do you really want to eat matzo spanakopita? I can promise you, it is not that good!!!!
By Nell Badgley & Conrad Dahm
SECRET LOCATION- The 100 Days Party is one of Grinnell’s most cherished and anticipated traditions. The event traditionally takes place 100 days before graduation and provides a chance for fourth years to act like dirty, low-life sluts, ruin their existing friendships, and conduct acts that they will come to deeply regret for the rest of their lives (or at least the rest of the semester). According to the Grinnell-Herald Register, 100 days is considered “one of the premier parties of the year where the graduating class can show how cool they are.” As the only fourth years employed by the B&S, we, Nell and Conrad, decided to do an investigative report on 100 days.
Our verdict: it fucking sucked LMAOOOOOOO
By Bella Takata
BOHO EAST: Boho East has really good taste in media. He is a loyal friend and has been told by many that he has a “calming vibe”… is he gone? OK he’s gone. Boho is a first year, so fourth years watch out and cougars get ready– he’s coming, and he’ll probably arrive in a maid outfit (if you’re into that sort of thing).
BRIE CHEESE HARRIS CENTER: One time dropped a coffee on an Ochem problem set, but will NEVER drop you. The prettiest graphic designer in the B&S print edition is her face– or so the fellas say. How about this for a witty caption: “BRIE CHEESE HARRIS CENTER AND Y/N– SEXIEST NEW COUPLE ON CAMPUS!!”
By Sophia Levitas-Goren
Shakespeare once said, “Some are born with tummy issues, and some have tummy issues thrust upon them.” Well, dear readers, I seem to have acquired tummy issues from both sources. As a descendant of two Ashkenazi Jewish lines, I am the product of centuries of generational trauma, which all seem to have designated my stomach as their constant battleground. To dumb it down, my stomach genetically hurts. So, as someone who is vegetarian (scared to eat the fish here), lactose intolerant, and a rather picky eater, Dhall has proven to NOT have been promised to me 3,000 years ago.
By Nayeong Kim
As temperatures in Grinnell, Iowa plummet to levels previously believed to exist only in cautionary tales and climate textbooks, one group of students remains steadfast in their commitment to exposed kneecaps: the Sportos. While the rest of campus has retreated into puffers, scarves, and growing existential dread, Sportos continue to traverse the academic quad in shorts, asserting without evidence that their legs ‘don’t really get cold.”
According to several witnesses, the phenomenon has persisted despite wind chills that cause phones to shut down, eyelashes to freeze together, and even D-Hall baby to briefly consider eating soup. Yet Sportos march on, calves uncovered, faces calm, as if participating in a silent protest against the laws of thermodynamics.
By Bodhi West
With the burgeoning semester basically already ending, as all things inevitably do, ResLife has announced changes in how housing will be organized for the next academic year. “From corralling first-years like the livestock they are to finally stopping the gays from smoking that crisp Mary Jane, we’re really going all out,” said Jack Frost-Lalala, a College housing director.
The most controversial of these changes is the transformation of Dibble Hall from co-ed to female-only, with incoming residents raising concerns over the presence of male residues.
By Sarah Reif
Independently produced documentary “MACKELNIA” gives viewers unprecedented access to a Grinnell Art History Professor’s life- the First Gentleman of Grinnell College, Mackelnia Harris.
Viewers are invited to don their tortoise-shell glasses and step into the life of Mackelnia Harris as he peruses JSTOR for several hours, shops for a pair of bootcut corduroy slacks from L.L. Bean and licks his finger to turn the page of the essay he is grading.
By Maya Comer
JCC- Amid concerns about the shifting job market for recent college graduates in the age of AI, Grinnell has updated its Strategic Plan to align with student demand for developing employment-ready skills. One of the largest changes is the creation of a new department, Evil. “Student interest in conducting Evil has been growing rapidly over the past few years at Grinnell,” says Montgomery Burns, professor emeritus and strategic partner. “Demand for new employees is waning at many companies, but there is plenty of demand for employees that will help companies reduce the demand for employees.” At this, he lets out a sinister cackle and strokes a silver ring engraved with an ouroboros.
By Josh Emrys Payong
An agonizing absence has chilled the campus air. No longer can drunk students seek solace from a certain orange beast after coming back from a night of violently making out with thermostats. No longer can netizens use his divine visage to farm a consistent 100-150 yakarma per post. No longer will Grinnellians be able to feel love ever again. That’s right. Boy George – boss of the South Campus mafia, angel investor for Loose Grilled Cheese, and the very picture of masculine virility – has decided to cut his ties with the Jewel of the Prairie and temporarily return to his hometown of Gilman, Iowa to live with his cousin, Lorax George. Luckily, our brave informants know why he’s left.
By Catherine Terelak
We regret to inform the reading public that Edie Worrell has been cancelled on YikYak and removed from the writing staff of the B&S for recent inflammatory posts on Shuffles by Pinterest, a little-known digital collaging app. Earlier this week, a seventy-five-year-old Shuffler named Dorothy DeMartin reported instances of vicious cyberbullying by Worrell. STOP POSTING, Worrell wrote. YOUR SHUFFLES SUCK AND YOUR SO ANNOYING. GET OFF THIS PLATFORM OLD HAG. In addition to flooding DeMartin’s comments section with threatening language, Worrell has been “remixing” and “reshuffling” DeMartin’s “cutouts” without permission — in essence, stealing her intellectual property.
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