By Amelia Vrieze

JCC- After the failed attempted rollout of the preregistration system for next fall’s classes last Wednesday, students began to notice the appearance of a mysterious button on the registration page. Labeled only with a warning to not click it, this button intrigued, tempted, and bewildered many students. 

Of course, the first thing any normal person would do when presented with a forbidden button would be to immediately click the button. However, many stressed out college students, worried that this choice might ruin their chances of getting their chosen classes, took the safe, (boring) route. They were left to wonder what would’ve happened if they took the leap. Due to this uncertainty, playground rumors began spreading about what the button did.

“Yeah, I clicked the button,” proclaimed “super senior” Poe Kemon, pushing up his mirrored shades. “Of course I did. It gave me a shiny Mew. No, really. If other people didn’t get one it’s because they weren’t underneath one of the D-Hall delivery trucks when they pressed it.” 

“I heard that if you click the button after 3 AM, it summons Herobrine and then he chases you into the Bucksbaum basement,” whispered Steve Minecraft (‘26). When asked if he had done so, Minecraft replied with a no. When asked if this had happened to someone he knew, he said, “Yeah, my older cousin’s best friend. To this day he hasn’t been found. In fact, no records of him exist anywhere.”

“So, when you click the button it will show you like, this image that grants you seven years of good luck but like only if you send it to seven of your best friends within 24 hours. Otherwise a terrible misfortune will befall you.” insisted Cheyenne Mail (‘27). 

When the Registrar’s office was asked for comment, the only reply they gave was the words “Evil wizard.” When asked to clarify, they explained that years ago, a man who introduced himself as “The Dark Lord” applied to create the registration system for Grinnell College. When he was rejected (for being an evil wizard, which was at the top of his resume) he placed a curse on the registration system that sabotaged it every semester, forcing no two semesters to have the same registration system. This year, the evil wizard created a button with malicious intent that refused to be deleted from the HTML of the registration website. The only thing the good wizards at IT were able to do was place a magical ward on the button, in the form of a warning message. Unfortunately, despite their valiant effort, many students still fell prey to the button’s wiles. 

When asked to explain what evil magic was encoded in the button, a spokesperson from IT said they couldn’t be sure, as everyone who had pressed the button had no memory of doing so. Anyone watching was similarly affected. I asked him to demonstrate, and he pulled out his laptop—but then, for some reason, he just walked away, a vacant look on his face. Since he didn’t get around to showing me the button, maybe I will examine it on my own. For journalistic research, of course.

Of course, the most important thing is to not harass the Registrar or IT about the registration system not working. Being cursed by an evil wizard can happen to anyone, and it’s not always the fault of the one who was cursed. In fact, if you did end up clicking the button, you’re probably cursed now too. If we’re patient, maybe the evil wizard will give up and go away. Good luck to all this registration season!