By Amelia Vrieze

RENFROW HALL- As construction on Renfrow Hall continues, students and town inhabitants alike wonder how it will fulfill its stated purpose as a bridge between the campus and town communities. The latest statements from the committee behind the project have attempted to shed new light on the ways this new off-campus housing option will function.

A spokeswoman for the project, Lila Carny, recently stated that the small, porthole-like windows covering certain walls of the building will allow town inhabitants to receive “a tiny peek” of campus life: “Everyone from the town can line up, and take turns looking through these windows to see a darkened hint of a student’s habitation space. The community and the college will feel closer than ever,” Lila stated to the crowd. “But not too close, of course. As well as the community only having a small window in, residents of Renfrow will only have a small window out. Nothing to distract them from their daily twelve hours of studying.”

Another spokesman for the project, Stanley Truman, claimed to be the real spokesperson for Renfrow Hall and to “just ignore that other weirdo.” He insisted that the true connection to the community would be the larger windows on the other walls, allowing observers to watch students as if the building were one giant dollhouse. “Why would we make people peer through a measly porthole when there’s real action going on in every inch of this place? We need cameras, too, running a live feed 24/7. This will be the next reality TV hit, right here in Grinnell, Iowa,” Truman said. “We could call it something like… the Truman Show, named after me.” 

A third spokesbeing interrupted the presentation. When asked for its name, it made no reply. However, it acquiesced to other requests for comment on the status of Renfrow Hall. “My fellow committee members are fools. You are all fools. You have yet to see… to see the true purpose of this building. This is not a gateway between one puny town and one puny school. It is a gateway to the STARS. As soon as the great pyramid is complete, the prophecy will be fulfilled. There is nothing you can do to stop it.” Then the spokesbeing began chanting in an unknown language until the audience uneasily left the room. 

Through various rushed exit interviews, we gained the impression that the presentation did not relieve concerns over how the college is handling the Renfrow Hall construction. In fact, many people were left even more concerned than before. A harried college official assured us that ‘we’re handling it’ and ‘none of those people are real committee members.’ In response to these claims, Carny and Truman had no comment. The genderless being of indeterminate species only repeated ‘the obelisk will rise. THE OBELISK WILL RISE’ until our intimidated journalist left its chambers.