By Maya Comer

JCC- Amid concerns about the shifting job market for recent college graduates in the age of AI, Grinnell has updated its Strategic Plan to align with student demand for developing employment-ready skills. One of the largest changes is the creation of a new department, Evil. “Student interest in conducting Evil has been growing rapidly over the past few years at Grinnell,” says Montgomery Burns, professor emeritus and strategic partner. “Demand for new employees is waning at many companies, but there is plenty of demand for employees that will help companies reduce the demand for employees.” At this, he lets out a sinister cackle and strokes a silver ring engraved with an ouroboros.

New courses in the Evil department include EVL 145: Methods of Tax Evasion, EVL 208: Advanced Corporate Jargon (cross-listed as LIN 208), and EVL 383: Congressional Lobbying Practicum. The B&S reached out to incoming professor Ponsey Askeem to get a sense of what prospective Evil majors will learn. We have reprinted his entire email below.

Sure! Here is some bullshit to tell a broke ass student journalist.

  1. Preparing for 100-hour work weeks
  • Students will receive approximately 10 hours of busywork per day.
  • Failure to answer an email within 5 minutes, no matter the time of day or night, will result in the deduction of a full letter grade.
  • Students can participate in weekly sleep deprivation contests for extra credit.
  1. Internship applications
  • Incoming first-years are required to complete an internship at a Fortune 500 company the summer before their arrival.
  • Evil majors are expected to shame any peers who don’t secure a “real” internship.
  1. Leveraging artificial intelligence
  • All assignments are expected to be completed with Generative AI.

ChatGPT can make mistakes. Check important info.

The nascent Evil SEPC, too, has big plans. “Expect lots of networking opportunities,” says board member Bordan Jelfort ‘27 (Financial Analyst, #opentowork). When pressed for examples, he glances up from his phone for a brief second. “10/10, Block, Gyattmas, shit like that, ya know?” Other SEPC initiatives include a self-serve cocaine bar at the Marketplace.

Not everybody is happy with the changes, though. Professors in the economics and computer science departments lament that most of their advisees have switched their major to Evil. “I knew that most of my students would go on to manage hedge funds or lead consulting firms, but I always held out hope that they’d become professors or fundraising managers for nonprofits or something. Now that they’ve officially declared with Evil, I can delude myself no longer,” sighs Supplaya DeMand, associate professor of economics. She clearly has no hustle.