By Sophia Levitas-Goren

HSSC- In ancient Greek society, it was believed by great thinkers, such as Plato, that a woman’s womb wandered around her body, sat on her organs, and made her ill or crazy. This fascinating femininomenon was labeled “the wandering womb” and inspired the term “hysteria,” seeing as “hys” means womb in Ancient Greek. So, you can’t gaslight your girlfriend. It’s ingrained into our womanly, hysterical blood to be coocoo banana.

However, Facilities Management in the HSSC felt this feminine weight upon their shoulders. They could sense that although the female and female-aligned students at Grinnell have experienced, continue to experience, and will continue to experience some of the most traumatizing situations, the male and male-aligned students had not had that same worldview. Alas, since ‘twas Halloween and Halloween season, FM decided to drive everyone crazy by introducing the Broomba™, subtitled The Wandering Broom™. This fascinating object is a witch’s broom atop what seems to be a Roomba. When touched, the Broomba™ begins moving around and emitting a sound that is most likely evil laughter, but could be a call to the ancient gods.

When asking FM Maxine Padd about her thought process behind bringing in the Broomba™, she told us ecstatically, “There are these whispers in my mind, from my grandma, my mom, my ancestors, from all the women before me, you know? They speak to me. They always do. Do they speak to you, too? Do you feel them in your breast? In your womb? In your mind?”

You may sometimes see Padd, when not in the HSSC, blasting Florence + the Machine and running through Mac Field, occasionally nude. Padd says it helps connect her to her “feminine predecessors”.

We talked to another Broomba™ co-creator and fellow FM Dixie CutEmoff, trying a second time to get the origins of the Broomba™ out. She told us, “After reading Freud’s essays on The Theory of Sexuality and auditing a Psychoanalysis course, Maxine and I thought that we should introduce something that would awaken things within these students. Seeing as they all are examples of Penis Envy and the Oedipus Complex, and they haven’t accepted these facts, they need to really feel the hysteria that the Broomba™ brings.”

When asking students about their experiences with the Broomba™, second-year Ma Meeisoos said, “I’m going crazy. Every time I try studying in the HSSC, that fucking broom thing goes off and starts cackling, and for some reason, it’s reminding me of my mom! And I don’t like to think about my mom!”

Third-year Sheeza Freecke shared similar sentiments. “I can’t focus on writing my midterms for GWSS, Philosophy, Poli Sci, and Environmental Studies, because that broom is haunting me. It’s everywhere. I can hear it throughout the building, throughout the campus, in my dreams! It chases me in my dreams! And my vibrators and all of my ex-boyfriends are chasing me in those dreams, too! The stress of the Broomba™ has made my period three weeks late!”