By Elke Calhoun

B and S reporters have been alerted by increasingly concerned French majors about the mental state of their own SEPC. Over the course of the semester, they have fallen increasingly into psychological states of ruin.  Thus began a covert sting operation in which one brave B&S reporter went deep undercover and took a French course, in order to gain insider access to the French psyche, strategy, and (most importantly) mailing list. This reporter has battled through nicotine addictions, fashion faux pas, and a horrible case of contagious pretension, but returns victorious with a compilation of emails that follows the transgression into total madness of an SEPC that was already teetering on the brink.:

 

From: French SEPC

Subject: Bonjour! 

Dear Grinnell French Majors! 

Welcome and bienvenue, francophiles, you all have been doing a marvelous job thus far this semester prancing about the campus and making everyone else feel generally inadequate—incroyable! One particularly moving moment we have observed is when one unnamed student  (Olivier Loup) requested a flaky pastry from the Global Café and subsequently beaned the student worker with a cigarette when he mispronounced “kwa – sahnt.” Bon appétit, Olivier ! In other more clerical matters, we are writing to ‘appily announce that SEPC applications are officially open! It is a rigorous selection process; you best hope we don’t bring out the guillotine! 

Vive la France!

French SEPC (ils/ elles/ on) 

(demandez-nous pourquoi nous partageons) 

 

From: French SEPC 

Subject: Re-Bonjour! 

Chérs French Majors! 

While we in the French Department always appreciate tardiness and the prioritization of wine and cigs over work, we have received only one (une) SEPC application. It was submitted under the name Marie Antoinette (antoinettem@grinnell.edu) and said only, “Let them eat cake.” We printed out the application, burned it, and shaped the ashes into a little tiny French flag that we passed around and shoved up our trous du cul. It was only way to purge that bourgeois shit from our community. We did not find the application ‘umorous. Do not mock our revolution glorieuse. Apply to the SEPC, you cunts. 

Vive la France!

French SEPC ( Robes / Pierre) 

 

From: French SEPC 

Subject: Re-re-bonjour!

Will suck coque for SEPC applications.

Vive la France! 

French SEPC (fag / got)