Grinnell's Bastion of Journalistic Integrity

Month: February 2022

Campus Cold Remains Uncontained

By Claire Liddle

BURLING – Grinnellians affected by the common cold going around campus were shocked to discover it is actually a form of infectious protein disease known as a prion. 

The prion, officially named “GRION-21” and lovingly dubbed “Grinnell College Brain Worms” is thought to have originated in the Burling printers and is transmitted by contact with printer paper. “We think it developed while students were off campus over winter break” says a SHAW representative, “but we don’t know for sure. Those printers are weird and they probably have some nefarious motivation, especially the Burling ones, but the dorm printers are evil too. All we know is that the printers are 100% definitely giving people brain worms.” 

Opinion: In Defense of Inflammatory Groups

By Carter Ottele

JRC SIDEWALK– Between the Omicron variant of COVID-19 and frigid temperatures, Grinnell’s campus has reached record levels of inactivity. The pandemic restricts time inside, while the weather limits time outside. The conditions have left students wondering when, or if, the college will rebound from its current low.

To combat the campus’ lack of activity, I propose a simple solution: encouraging the presence of inflammatory groups. September’s appearance of Sister Cindy—a TikTok-famous zealot who positioned herself outside the JRC and screamed some sort of of misogynistic, homophobic slam poetry—incited controversy. Yet the event also provided entertainment. Sister Cindy’s diatribe attracted scores of spectators. The administration’s response, in turn, offered further amusement to the community. For days, the incident was the hot topic at Grinnell. How many other events have enlivened campus like Sister Cindy? In retrospect, other notable affairs were less positive. The windstorm of December 15, while novel, interrupted finals and had little impact on school culture. Collective frustration over the broken ice cream machine may have united students, but at the same time, the ice cream machine was broken. And much of 10/10 is worth forgetting.

Leaked Documents Show Administration Had To Choose Between Renovating South Campus, Giving All First-Years Silver Coins

By Dale Bell

SOUTH CAMPUS—Late last week, anonymous sources leaked a series of financial documents showing that Grinnell Administration had to decide between a complete retrofit of South Campus or providing all first-years pure silver “medallions” at the welcome ceremony. The documents, whose authenticity the B&S has confirmed via ink chromatography and a taste-test, include budget proposals and intra-administration emails from 2021 detailing the projected cost of refitting the South clusters. The renovations include air conditioning, washer-dryers, functioning windows, and in-dorm soft serve machines, all of which are commonplace on East Campus. 

Dhall Workers Thrilled to be Paid Solely in Dining Dollars

By Gabby Hernandez

DHALL–-Long Dhall lines, a result of chronic understaffing, have been the bane of student life for months. That will now change, however, as the College has unanimously agreed to pay all Dining hall staff in Dining Dollars in order to recruit more employees. While some Grinnellians oppose this policy, a vast majority support it.

This policy change has been in the works for months and is endorsed by the Grinnell Union of Dining Dollars (GUDD). For readers who are unaware, after a battle in Nerf at Noyce format, GUDD defeated the previously dominant UGSDW, and is now representing the interests of student workers campus-wide. No student witnesses of the battle were willing to come forward with their stories, but sources in the administration assure B&S reporters that the fight was “extremely fair.”

Academic Advising: Hot Tips to Start the Semester Off Strong

By Zo Zetner

STEINER—Are you wondering how to start this semester strong? The B&S talked to Sara Spokes, the spokesperson for the Academic Advising office, to get some advice.

Smart time management is of the utmost importance to doing well in college and Ms. Spokes informed us that “most students right now have the next 2 years of their lives planned down to the minute and they don’t realize that in doing so, they are inadvertently wasting time. I mean, 1 second here, 3 seconds there, it really adds up.” Academic Advising recommends students stop by the office, located in Steiner Hall, to pick up one of their spring 2022 planers. The new planners have time slots down to the second so that no time is wasted.

Noyce Gorrilataur Appeased at Minor Cost of One Classics Major

By E. J. Schwartz

NOYCE—If there’s been one hot-button talking point on campus this year, it’s been institutional memory. Certain traditions never die, however. Luckily for many, one of Grinnell’s greatest and most community-building ceremonies comes back this Spring.

Liftsa Boulder, class of ‘23, has graciously volunteered to star in the septannual Noyce Basement Culling. According to Boulder, the third year English and Classics Major was approached by his professor via a late-night email. 

“I was shocked by the message,” Boulder reported. “I really was truly surprised that nobody wanted this position before I was asked. I know a few guys in my class who’d really appreciate the opportunity to bump their grade up, so I guess I’m just lucky.” 

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